The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3885 on: April 13, 2020, 12:56 »
The government told the banks they have a moral duty to help people considering the support they had in 2008

The banks have formed a joint working committee to discover what morals are and their value in the current market.
Check out our books - ideal presents

John and Val Harrison's Books
 

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3886 on: April 23, 2020, 00:00 »
It wouldn't surprise me..
tracey.jpg

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Plot 1 Problems

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3887 on: April 23, 2020, 00:06 »
Worryingly not far off the truth there John.

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3888 on: April 23, 2020, 07:00 »
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey, but I've turned myself around and that's what it's all about...

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Welsh Merf

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3889 on: April 23, 2020, 14:38 »
I came home the other day to find my wife doing leg exercises on the coffee table in the living room, the ones where you lay on your back, put your hands under your hips, and pedal your legs in the air. 'Ey up, Mrs.' I said. 'That's what I like to see.'

'What's that?' she asked.

'Some shapely and sturdy legs.'

'Thank you dear,' she replied with a nice smile.

'Aye,' I said. 'Slimmer coffee table legs would never cope under that weight.'
I may be Welsh, but I love ewe anyway!

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Aunt Sally

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3890 on: April 23, 2020, 14:53 »
:lol:
Important Advice from the NSALG - frequently updated 
  Covid 19 Emergency Measures

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Welsh Merf

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3891 on: April 23, 2020, 15:35 »
A Welshman, an Irishman, an Englishman, and a Scotsman were in a pub.

Those were the days  ::)

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grinling

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3892 on: April 25, 2020, 23:53 »
From a friend on facebook

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

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Tenhens

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3893 on: April 26, 2020, 18:33 »
Didn't he park his car in one of the  undercover trolley bays as well.  :ohmy: :ohmy:
we also rescue rabbits and guinea pigs,grow own veg

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Mr Dog

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3894 on: April 26, 2020, 21:26 »
..
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Welsh Merf

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3895 on: May 01, 2020, 09:45 »
A woman goes to the doctor regarding her husband erratic behaviour.
     "What's the matter with him?" asked the quack.
     "After he comes home from work he's just his usual self, but as the evening goes on he starts getting  more
      grumpy, until he finally starts shouting and screaming. What can I do? It's really upsetting me now."
     " The next time he starts to get grumpy," said the quack, "fill your mouth with a mixture of water and
     whisky, and then hold it there for about ten seconds before swallowing it." The woman went home and did       
     as the good doctor suggested.
     At the ensuing check-up appointment, she told the doctor that the change was amazing, and she never thought that such a simple mixture of water and whisky could have such an effect. "Oh, it's not the water
     and whisky," replied the quack. "It's because you have your mouth shut."

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3896 on: May 01, 2020, 10:36 »
Overheard a dodgy bloke in the pub the other day, chatting with a mate.

"Just got his kids a trampoline and bikes from the internet".

Mate asked which website he saw it on

He replied "Google earth"!

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al78

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3897 on: May 05, 2020, 11:31 »
I laid on a buffet for the family...they were not impressed and told me to get off

(Round The Horne)

That sounds like the kind of joke Tommy Cooper would come out with.  :lol:

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8doubles

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3898 on: May 05, 2020, 19:42 »
Finally found something the wifes butt does not look big in.









The distance !

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3899 on: May 06, 2020, 07:11 »
Musical extravaganza - guaranteed to bring tears to your eyes...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pICA--V9stE




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