The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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Pescador

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3750 on: January 30, 2019, 07:59 »
Borrowed from Dad Jokes.
Lab with sticks.jpg
Every Pickle Helps!

Paul's Preserves and Pickles.

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Pescador

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3751 on: February 02, 2019, 15:58 »
Not only are computers taking over our lives, they're taking over our beliefs as well!
pdfreligion.jpg

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3752 on: February 02, 2019, 16:41 »
I thought Ikea was the new church, its always packed out on Sundays.   Mrs Bouquet
Dux Femina Facti

Sometimes my mind wanders, if found please return.

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3753 on: February 02, 2019, 18:06 »
A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ''Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!''

''I wouldn't worry too much about it,'' the doctor replies. 'Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.''

''But you don't understand,'' the woman insists. ''He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake.''

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DanielCoffey

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3754 on: February 03, 2019, 10:27 »
I somehow feel that the last line should be...

"Well if it is bothering you that much, unplug his extension cord at night."

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3755 on: February 06, 2019, 13:40 »
Skinny people are more at risky to easily kidnap.   So stay safe,  eat more cake. 

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3756 on: February 15, 2019, 18:22 »
Did you hear about the dog who ran two miles to bring back his master's stick? Personally, I think it's a bit far-fetched.

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JayG

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3757 on: February 15, 2019, 20:40 »
Did you hear the other one about a dog who ran two miles to retrieve a stick only to remember far too late that his master was an aborigine?

(Boy, was that one peed off pooch?!)
Sow your seeds, plant your plants. What's the difference? A couple of weeks or more when answering possible queries!

One of the best things about being an orang-utan is the fact that you don't lose your good looks as you get older

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3758 on: March 08, 2019, 14:52 »
Has anybody got some jokes please  :lol:  Mrs Bouquet

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3759 on: March 08, 2019, 16:29 »
Has anybody got some jokes please  :lol:  Mrs Bouquet
The Government
 :ohmy: :ohmy: :ohmy:
Check out our books - ideal presents

John and Val Harrison's Books
 

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3760 on: March 08, 2019, 19:08 »
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandad, do you know how you and God are alike?"
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old" he replied

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3761 on: March 08, 2019, 19:38 »
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him, “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year." said the shrink "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“Eighty pounds per visit,” replied the doctor.

“I'll sleep on it.” I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.

“Well, eighty quid a visit, three times a week for a year, is £12,480.00. A bartender cured me for £10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought myself a new car.”

“Is that so?” he said with a bit of an attitude. “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. There's definitely nobody under there now.”

The moral of this story .... It's always better to get a second opinion.

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3762 on: March 09, 2019, 11:21 »
thank you  :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:  Mrs Bouquet

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3763 on: March 09, 2019, 11:49 »

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,

"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'..."

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3764 on: March 09, 2019, 18:35 »
After being married for 25 years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her carefully, then said, 'You are A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.'
'What does that mean?' she asked suspiciously.
He said, 'Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous and Hot!'
She beamed at him happily and said: 'Oh, that's so lovely! But what about I, J and K?'
'I'm Just Kidding!'
(The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctors are fairly optimistic about saving his man bits).



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