The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3645 on: May 28, 2018, 07:46 »
Goosey - exactly how many rugby tours have you been on?

I only went on one - to The Hague in February 1971, and the following Saturday I went out with Mrs Growster for the first time, so that's what really happens...;0)

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3646 on: May 30, 2018, 05:44 »
Clearing out the loft at the weekend I found an old Ouija board, I suggested to the family that we have a go with it.

No one else was too keen, comments like "that stuff is dark--"

"What's the worst that could happen?" I asked before dimming the lights as we gathered around the table

"Spirits of the dead give us your message!"

W-E-H-A

"Guys--"

"Shut up"

W-E-H-A-V-E-U

"Guys--"

"Keep going"

W-E-H-A-V-E-U-P-D-A-T-E-D-O-U-R-P-R-I-V-A-C-Y-P-O-L-I-C-Y



"Borrowed" from another board

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3647 on: May 30, 2018, 07:31 »
I was watching a concert by The Bermudan Philharmonic Orchestra the other night.

Halfway through the piece, the chap playing the triangle just disappeared...

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Goosegirl

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3648 on: May 30, 2018, 15:42 »
and when the piper started playing a different tune they all followed him as it was his call.
Growster, I have never, EVER been connected with any sort of Rugby sports or even been to Rugby; I just have a good imagination!
I don't like bananas unless it's raining. (A quote from my great-niece).

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hamstergbert

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3649 on: June 01, 2018, 19:29 »
....and orchestras abound with trickery anyway.  For example I recently discovered that trombone players do not really swallow it.....
The Dales - probably fingerprint marks where God's hand touched the world

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3650 on: June 06, 2018, 05:30 »
Knock! Knock!
Whos there?
A broken pencil.
A broken pencil who?
Never mind, its pointless.

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hamstergbert

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3651 on: June 07, 2018, 12:28 »
As a Prince of Denmark might ask:  what kind of broken pencil?  2B, or not 2B, that is the question....

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Goosegirl

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3652 on: June 07, 2018, 14:33 »
As he came from a hamlet in Yorickshire he probably had to write with the cut ends of goose quills dipped into a mixture of squid ink and dilute calcium carbonate. His artistry in creating these writing implements not only earned him the sobriquet of "His Nibs" but if he'd left out the squid ink he could have been the inventor of Tippex. Instead he chose to retire and employed Horatio to be his ghost writer. Unfortunately Horatio couldn't spell and was always asking him "Is graphite spelt with one H or is it HH"? Hamlet thought to himself "You just can't get the staff these days" and went off to smoke a cigar.
« Last Edit: June 07, 2018, 15:53 by Goosegirl »

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3653 on: June 08, 2018, 06:56 »
I was on a driving holiday in Ireland last year.

Looking at the road map, I was trying to work out how to get to the next village, got out of the car and leaned on a farm gate in the sunshine. The farmer wandered over, and I asked him about the quickest way to get to the village.

"Are you driving or walking"? he asked.

"I'm driving", I replied.

"Oh to be sure, that's the quickest way" he replied...

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Goosegirl

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3654 on: June 08, 2018, 13:04 »
Weallie???

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3655 on: June 09, 2018, 12:52 »
Two grown-ups were talking over a cup of coffee down the High Street.

First one "Do you remember when we were kids, we'd play a game where we knocked on a front door then ran away as fast as possible before anyone opened it"?

Second one "Of course I do! These days though, it's called Parcelforce"!

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3656 on: June 10, 2018, 12:59 »
I to was asking for directions of how to get to Leatherhead in Surrey.  I pulled over to ask a man, Leatherhead, I asked, Fishface, he replied.  Mrs Bouquet
Dux Femina Facti

Sometimes my mind wanders, if found please return.

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3657 on: June 10, 2018, 19:38 »
"borrowed" from another forum ......

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment.

The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."

The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

The older lady said that she was right our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day. The older lady went on to explain:

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But, too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.

We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.

Back then we washed the baby's nappies because we didn't have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.

Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of  Yorkshire. In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn petrol just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a  plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blade in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

Back then, people took the tram or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their mums into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's 45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the "green thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest chip shop or takeaway!.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart *ss young person.

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to **** us off...Especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smartass who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much.

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3658 on: June 10, 2018, 20:21 »
I'm pleased that you posted this one Roger.

It's a bit of a chestnut, but one well worthy of repeating every now and then to remind us how we coped without the claptrap of gadgets.

Mind you, we wouldn't be talking today, had the internet not been introduced...

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3659 on: June 11, 2018, 18:22 »
You don't need "the green thing" to recycle an old chestnut (although use of the search button may have prevented it ::))



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