The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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Mr Dog

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3990 on: December 23, 2020, 10:58 »
..
IMG-20201223-WA0002.jpg

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Growing Weather

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3991 on: December 23, 2020, 11:36 »
Only a few Christmas's ago I was really down everyone around me seemed to be doing really well and were as happy as Larry. I was down to my last few pounds and ended up having to sell my house. It wasn't long before unfortunately I ended up in prison.


 But then I threw a double six, passed go and collected 200 and bought a hotel!

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Growing Weather

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3992 on: December 23, 2020, 11:41 »
When you clean a vacuum cleaner you


become a vacuum cleaner!

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Mr Dog

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3993 on: December 23, 2020, 17:13 »
Breaking news... 

I've just been reliably informed that Cornwall is to be placed into Tier 4 with immediate effect. Apparently all the pirates returning home for Christmas have sent the Arrrrrgh rate through the roof! 

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New shoot

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3994 on: December 23, 2020, 17:35 »
That reminds me of my all time favourite pirate joke.

Why are pirates so norty ...

... because they just arrrrrrgh

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DanielCoffey

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3995 on: December 25, 2020, 11:02 »
My sister has just posted this on our family WhatsApp group. My six year old niece is the one making the comment...

"Yesterday Joanna caught me cleaning and said in a conspiratorial voice, "I know what you're doing. You're cleaning the bathroom just in case Father Christmas needs a wee!" (Giggle, giggle)."

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DanielCoffey

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3996 on: December 28, 2020, 12:12 »
Inspired by a post-Christmas comment by my parents...

To the tune of "What shall we do with a Drunken Sailor?"

What shall we do with the Christmas Turkey,
What shall we do with the Christmas Turkey,
What shall we do with the Christmas Turkey,
Early in the New Year?

Chop its legs off and chuck'em in the freezer,
Chop its legs off and chuck'em in the freezer,
Chop its legs off and chuck'em in the freezer,
Early in the New Year!

Slice it up and put it in a sarnie,
Slice it up and put it in a sarnie,
Slice it up and put it in a sarnie,
Early in the New Year!

Boil it up and turn it into curry,
Boil it up and turn it into curry,
Boil it up and turn it into curry,
Early in the New Year!
« Last Edit: December 28, 2020, 13:31 by DanielCoffey »

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3997 on: December 28, 2020, 14:49 »
Mince it up, make turkey burgers,
Mince it up, make turkey burgers,
Mince it up, make turkey burgers,
Early in the New Year!
Check out our books - ideal presents

John and Val Harrison's Books
 

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3998 on: December 29, 2020, 05:23 »
I just got knocked down and run over by a lorry salting the roads!

"I'll get you one day, you swine"!

...I said through gritted teeth.

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mumofstig

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3999 on: January 11, 2021, 15:05 »
I had to laugh
Covid est.jpg
Lesley x
I'm not good, I'm not bad - I'm just me, and sometimes I have to apologise for that ;)

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4000 on: January 12, 2021, 07:16 »
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.

A spokesman for the channel said... 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

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Blackpool rocket

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4001 on: Yesterday at 16:28 »
Just spent 300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.


Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it.



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