The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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basketcase

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3945 on: August 09, 2020, 08:36 »
I don't get it either  !!!!  Mrs Bouquet
Try reading it out loud, it's a tongue twister :)

I think light may have dawned, courtesy of the above and Rocket.

I'm a simple soul.  Obviously very simple!  :lol:

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3946 on: August 09, 2020, 12:03 »
As for tongue twisters then...

Wife: 'And what's more, I know you've been having an affair with that Welsh bird from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.'

Husband: 'How can you say that?'

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Blackpool rocket

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3947 on: August 09, 2020, 18:53 »
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.'



That's easy for you to say  :lol:

Anyway...

I was in the sweet shop yesterday.

I said to the assistant, "Do you do Twix?"

He said, "Well, I'm quite weasonable on a twampoline."

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3948 on: August 10, 2020, 06:56 »
A dog is sitting in a cinema with its owner.

The dog stares at the screen intently and growls whenever the villain appears and wags his tail whenever the hero comes on. An old lady has been watching the dogs behaviour, she turns to its owner and says, Thats extraordinary behaviour for a dog.

Youre right, says the owner. It is surprising he hated the book.

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Blackpool rocket

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3949 on: August 15, 2020, 21:14 »
Im trying to write a book about strong winds, but at the moment all Ive got is a draft.

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3950 on: August 16, 2020, 06:05 »
I was in a church recently, and noticed a nun carefully and methodically lighting each candle in perfect order.

I whispered to the bishop "She's systematic isn't she!"

He said "Oh no, that's Sister Mary."

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al78

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3951 on: August 18, 2020, 16:25 »
I don't get it either  !!!!  Mrs Bouquet
Try reading it out loud, it's a tongue twister :)

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnope.  Still not getting there... :blush:

It is supposed to be a combination of words that is hard to say unless you sai them slowly. Unfortunately the joke falls flat if, like me, you don't have a problem saying that sentence at standard talking pace.

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Blackpool rocket

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3952 on: August 18, 2020, 20:50 »
A photographer was killed in a freak accident today.

Whilst trying to take a group photo a giant lump of cheddar fell on him .....bystanders said people did try to warn him...

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basketcase

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3953 on: August 18, 2020, 21:56 »
A photographer was killed in a freak accident today.

Whilst trying to take a group photo a giant lump of cheddar fell on him .....bystanders said people did try to warn him...
Subtle, and slightly nutty...  :D

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Plot 1 Problems

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3954 on: August 19, 2020, 00:09 »
A photographer was killed in a freak accident today.

Whilst trying to take a group photo a giant lump of cheddar fell on him .....bystanders said people did try to warn him...
Subtle, and slightly nutty...  :D

Outright fromage if you ask me.

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3955 on: August 19, 2020, 04:31 »
I was selling my pet python on Ebay and some bloke rang up and asked if it was a really big snake.

I replied that its huge, so he asked how many feet!

I said 'None, you idiot, its a blasted snake for Gods sake'!

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3956 on: August 22, 2020, 11:42 »
What do you call a belt made of watches    -    a waste of time    ::)  Mrs Bouquet
Dux Femina Facti

Sometimes my mind wanders, if found please return.

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Tenhens

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3957 on: August 24, 2020, 20:43 »
Im trying to write a book about strong winds, but at the moment all Ive got is a draft.

May I suggest a hot spicy curry and baked beans the night before. ;) ;)
we also rescue rabbits and guinea pigs,grow own veg

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3958 on: August 25, 2020, 07:25 »
A young man starts a new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

First he has to clear the weeds from the exotic fish pool. As he does this, a piranha jumps out and bites him. In a panic, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of cleaning out the primate house, he is attacked by two aggressive chimpanzees, who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes wildly at the two chimps with his spade, killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, of course, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American bees. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by a swarm of angry bees. He grabs the spade and smashes several of them to a pulp. He throws them into the lion enclosure, because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and asks, "What's the food like here?"

The lion replies: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had fish and chimps with mushy bees."

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Goosegirl

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3959 on: August 25, 2020, 15:16 »
Next day the same thing happened again. This time a poisonous snake made a lunge for him so he wacked it on the head, then a pygmy goat starting chewing his new trousers so that was quickly dispatched too. At feeding time the new lion asked "What's on the menu tonight?" The answer was "Snake and pygmy pie!"  :lol:
Spring always comes when we sow the seeds of life.



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