The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3930 on: August 03, 2020, 11:38 »
Why are ants never ill?

Because they have anty bodies.  :blush:

GROAN!  :D :D :D
Check out our books - ideal presents

John and Val Harrison's Books
 

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Goosegirl

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3931 on: August 03, 2020, 13:48 »
Why are bees never naughty? Because they bee-hive themselves!  :tongue2:
Spring always comes when we sow the seeds of life.

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3932 on: August 03, 2020, 15:04 »
Love the last two jokes, just sent them on to 10 year old grandchildren.. thanks,   Mrs B
Dux Femina Facti

Sometimes my mind wanders, if found please return.

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Blackpool rocket

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3933 on: August 05, 2020, 21:27 »
A police officer called the station on his radio.

"I have an interesting case here. A lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested the woman?"

"Not yet. The floor's still wet."

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3934 on: August 06, 2020, 05:22 »
Two horses in the winners' enclosure at Ascot are talking at the end of the day about the races they've just won. First one says,

"You never lose that amazing feeling do you? The jockey on his feet in the stirrups, you're racing away and can see nothing but the line in front of you, and as you bolt through, the crowd are cheering and chanting your name!"

The other replies,

"It's just incredible. That was my first win at Ascot, and my owner and his wife couldn't stop hugging me, the crowd all patting me and the champagne corks popping. Outstanding!"

A greyhound is walking past, stops and says,

"You know, guys, I can fully sympathise with you both there. I won my tenth race at White City last week and I'm still buzzing from it. It never ceases to thrill you, I can assure you!"

The horses look at each other and one says,

"Blimey, a talking dog!"

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Blackpool rocket

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3935 on: August 07, 2020, 13:07 »
I saw something unspeakable on the A30 the other day...

A Royal Mail truck, followed by a DHL truck, followed by a Royal Mail truck, followed by a DHL truck...


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Blackpool rocket

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3936 on: August 07, 2020, 13:21 »
A man vaulted the counter in a fish and chip shop in an attempted robbery..

The staff battered him.

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basketcase

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3937 on: August 08, 2020, 11:01 »
I saw something unspeakable on the A30 the other day...

A Royal Mail truck, followed by a DHL truck, followed by a Royal Mail truck, followed by a DHL truck...



The emoticon's very funny, but I.m afraid I'm too thick to get the joke...  :blush:

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Goosegirl

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3938 on: August 08, 2020, 11:05 »
Me too, and also the one Growster posted.  :blush:

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basketcase

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3939 on: August 08, 2020, 11:09 »
Me too, and also the one Growster posted.  :blush:

Ah, now that one I can help with.  2 talking horses waxing lyrical and poetical about their experience of winning.  Passing dog agrees.  Talking horses comment on the fact that a dog can talk!  Think that one depends on a slightly surreal sense of the ridiculous, to which I am prone...  :blush:
« Last Edit: August 08, 2020, 12:19 by basketcase »

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3940 on: August 08, 2020, 11:24 »
I saw something unspeakable on the A30 the other day...

A Royal Mail truck, followed by a DHL truck, followed by a Royal Mail truck, followed by a DHL truck...



The emoticon's very funny, but I.m afraid I'm too thick to get the joke...  :blush:

I don't get it either  !!!!  Mrs Bouquet

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3941 on: August 08, 2020, 20:42 »
I don't get it either  !!!!  Mrs Bouquet
Try reading it out loud, it's a tongue twister :)

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basketcase

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3942 on: August 08, 2020, 21:00 »
I don't get it either  !!!!  Mrs Bouquet
Try reading it out loud, it's a tongue twister :)

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnope.  Still not getting there... :blush:

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Blackpool rocket

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3943 on: August 08, 2020, 23:57 »
I once witnessed an accident involving a red lorry and a yellow lorry. Police asked me who I thought was to blame. I said 'well, it's very hard to say'.  :lol: :lol:


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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3944 on: August 09, 2020, 06:44 »
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.


"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.
"On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick merry hell out of all of you!' "

St. Peter was impressed. "My goodness, when did this happen?"

"Couple of minutes ago."



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