The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3915 on: July 09, 2020, 15:33 »
Kayne West for US President  -   Kim Kardashian, First Lady    :ohmy:  :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:  Mrs B
That's not funny - it's a horror movie!
Check out our books - ideal presents

John and Val Harrison's Books
 

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Blackpool rocket

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3916 on: July 09, 2020, 20:20 »
Kayne West for US President  -   Kim Kardashian, First Lady    :ohmy:  :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:  Mrs B
That's not funny - it's a horror movie!

A horror double bill with what's there at the moment!

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davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3917 on: July 09, 2020, 22:04 »
Hippos can run and swim faster than humans.
So you need to be good at cycling to beat a hippo in a triathlon.
i dont suffer with insanity..........i enjoy every minute of it.

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3918 on: July 14, 2020, 14:12 »
when swimming pools re-open, due to social distancing,
There will be no water in lanes 1 and 3

Has Covid 19 forced you to wear and face mask and glasses at the same time,
You may be entitled to condensation

To prevent loneliness in lock down, I bought a dog from the blacksmith, 10 minutes after getting it home,
It made a bolt for the door..

Mrs Bouquet
Dux Femina Facti

Sometimes my mind wanders, if found please return.

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3919 on: July 14, 2020, 15:22 »
To prevent loneliness in lock down, I bought a dog from the blacksmith, 10 minutes after getting it home,
It made a bolt for the door..
I don't know why, but that cracked me up  :D :D :D

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al78

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3920 on: July 16, 2020, 09:52 »
To prevent loneliness in lock down, I bought a dog from the blacksmith, 10 minutes after getting it home,
It made a bolt for the door..
I don't know why, but that cracked me up  :D :D :D

Me too. It is a brilliant play on a sentence double meaning.

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3921 on: July 17, 2020, 06:51 »
The Cardiologist and the Honda Mechanic.

A Honda mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Honda when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Honda. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $24,000 a year and you make $1.7M when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic....





"Try doing it with the engine running."

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Tenhens

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3922 on: July 17, 2020, 19:34 »
To prevent loneliness in lock down, I bought a dog from the blacksmith, 10 minutes after getting it home,
It made a bolt for the door..
I don't know why, but that cracked me up  :D :D :D

Me too. It is a brilliant play on a sentence double meaning.

Was it wrought iron or stainless steel ?  ??? ???
we also rescue rabbits and guinea pigs,grow own veg

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Subversive_plot

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3923 on: July 17, 2020, 20:22 »
Kayne West for US President  -   Kim Kardashian, First Lady    :ohmy:  :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:  Mrs B
That's not funny - it's a horror movie!

A horror double bill with what's there at the moment!

We elected a reality TV president. Now every day is an episode of "Survivor".
I know we are in a global economy because my favorite gardening hat, purchased in the United States, was made in China by a Swiss company and has a label in Spanish.  (They all deserve their piece of the pie, wouldn't you agree? We are all in this world together.)

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DanielCoffey

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3924 on: July 26, 2020, 08:35 »
The Police pulled me over and yelled PAPERS!

I shouted SCISSORS and drove away with the win.

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3925 on: July 26, 2020, 18:03 »
My chum just rang me and said,"What are you doing at the moment?"

I said, "Probably failing my driving test..."

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3926 on: July 29, 2020, 07:29 »
Is it really true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, or is it just one of Granny's myths?

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3927 on: July 31, 2020, 13:38 »
A friend was doing a crossword and asked her husband, "I am stuck ,   flightless bird from Iceland, 13 letters.
He thought about it,  and replied  "that's easy, its a frozen chicken"     Mrs B

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3928 on: July 31, 2020, 14:29 »
A lovely elderly lady was stopped by the police for a speeding offence.
 
When asked by the young patrol officer, "Do you know you were speeding?" this elderly woman gave the young officer an ear to ear smile and stated:-
 
 "Yes, but .... I had to get there before I forgot where I was going."
 
The officer put his ticket book away and bid her good day...
 
Makes perfectly good sense to me!!

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JayG

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3929 on: Yesterday at 11:29 »
Why are ants never ill?

Because they have anty bodies.  :blush:
Sow your seeds, plant your plants. What's the difference? A couple of weeks or more when answering possible queries!

One of the best things about being an orang-utan is the fact that you don't lose your good looks as you get older



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