The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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8doubles

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3900 on: May 06, 2020, 08:31 »
Musical extravaganza - guaranteed to bring tears to your eyes...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pICA--V9stE

That is far too close to the 'Boys Brigade' that used to wake me up Sunday  mornings to be funny ! >:(

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3901 on: May 08, 2020, 06:46 »
Nightmare! On the way back from Dagenham, I just overtook a huge truck, accidentally cutting him up. He then growled, pulled up next to me at the traffic lights, and opened his window...

I was expecting a series of expletives, or even worse, but he said, “Your perpendicular driving resulted in the need for an overly swift deceleration, which I found deplorable!”

I thought it was a bit weird him saying that, then realised it was an articulated lorry...

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3902 on: May 15, 2020, 06:38 »

A rather thick chum crashed into a bloke in his car last evening.

He told the police that the guy had been drinking, smoking a fag and was texting on his mobile at the time of impact.

The Police assured my thick chum that the other gentleman was perfectly entitled to do as he pleased in his own conservatory...

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wighty

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3903 on: May 30, 2020, 14:47 »
Due to the Covid 19 situation we are skint and have no means to keep money coming into the house.  Therefore we are  proud to announce that we will be having a sale of our adult 'toys'  Don't be embarrased, all shapes, colours and sizes are available.  If you need a demonstration as to how to use them, please ask and we will oblige.  Please find below a rough list of what we have to offer.








Commodes, zimmer frames, adult nappies, walking sticks, pressure relief cushions and lost more.

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Mr Dog

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3904 on: June 10, 2020, 21:28 »
We've had the decorators in this week. Got talking to one and it turns out he's a British Airways pilot furloughed because of covid.

Must say he made a wonderful job of the landing......

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Yorkie

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3905 on: June 10, 2020, 22:42 »
Can't remember if we've had this one before, but …

Sign on a classical music shop door: "Bach in 5 minuets; gone Chopin."
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days all attack me at once...

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3906 on: June 12, 2020, 13:07 »
A small pupil asked his teacher to help putting his little boots on.  Even with her pushing and his pulling the boots still wouldn't go on.
By the time they got to the second boot, she had worked a sweat up.   She almost cried when the little boy said "teacher they're on the wrong feet.   She looked, and sure enough they were.    Unfortunately, it wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.
Then he announced  "these aren't my boots".    She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream 'why didn't you say so ?'  like she wanted to.

Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill fitting boots off his little feet.  No sooner had they got the boots off when he said  "they're my brothers boots.  But Mum made me wear them today. "    Now she didn't know whether she should laugh or cry.   She mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots back onto his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked,  "now where are your mittens ?.

He said   "I STUFFED THEM INTO THE TOES OF MY BOOTS  ……

She will be eligible for parole in three years     !!!!!!            Mrs Bouquet
Dux Femina Facti

Sometimes my mind wanders, if found please return.

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Mr Dog

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3907 on: June 17, 2020, 10:07 »
One for the moderators....
82641244_179500846859512_5240511133665535544_n.jpg

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Blackpool rocket

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3908 on: July 02, 2020, 21:38 »
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?

Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?

Interviewer: Black.

Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?

Farmer: Grass.

Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?

Farmer: Because the black one’s mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?

Farmer: It’s also mine

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3909 on: July 03, 2020, 06:51 »
Brilliant, Blackers!

John, you posted a joke similar to that about a gummint inspector once, but I can't find it...
« Last Edit: July 03, 2020, 18:39 by Growster... »

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Aunt Sally

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3910 on: July 03, 2020, 10:53 »
Wish I got that joke  :wacko:
Important Advice from the NSALG - frequently updated 
  Covid 19 Emergency Measures

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3911 on: July 03, 2020, 11:38 »
Wish I got that joke  :wacko:
I am so glad I wasn't alone, I didn't get it either.   ::) ::)  Mrs Bouquet

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Tenhens

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3912 on: July 08, 2020, 21:42 »
Wish I got that joke  :wacko:
I am so glad I wasn't alone, I didn't get it either.   ::) ::)  Mrs Bouquet
Same here. :wacko:
we also rescue rabbits and guinea pigs,grow own veg

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al78

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3913 on: July 09, 2020, 09:53 »
.
marriage-relationships-garden-gardeners-earthworm-worm-organic-cman185_low.jpg
gardening-garden-gardener-green_fingers-vegetable_garden-plant-dcrn1479_low.jpg
gardening-garden-gardeners-convenience-grow_your_own-vegetable-cman104_low.jpg

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3914 on: July 09, 2020, 13:26 »
Kayne West for US President  -   Kim Kardashian, First Lady    :ohmy:  :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:  Mrs B



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