[Bethslosttheplot]

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.

So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, Yeah, I've got this great rooster named Chuck. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem.

Well, Chuck the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Chuck. The farmer takes Chuck home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk, Chuck, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun, the farmer said, with a chuckle.

Chuck seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Chuck took off like a shot. - WHAM! - Chuck nails every hen in the hen house - - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Chuck is in there. Later, the farmer sees Chuck after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again, - WHAM! - He gets all the geese.

By sunset he sees Chuck out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Chuck dead as a doorknob, stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, Oh Chuck, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself.

Chuck opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, Shhhh, they're getting closer.....

[too many girls]

[SnooziSuzi]

*groan*  :roll:  

[ck2day]

Brilliant        

[Roughlee Handled]

Very very good.

[Celtic Eagle]

My sort of joke              

[Slatz]

But a passing townie ran Chuck over and killed him.

Townie knocked on the farmers door and said "Can I replace him?"

The farmer said, "OK then, there's 200 hens out the back need seeing to"

[Roughlee Handled]

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking
drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was
already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he
found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are
you?', demanded Dave, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom ?'

The mysterious man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter.'

Dave was stunned. 'You mean I'm dead !!! That can't be, I have so much
to live for - and I haven't said goodbye to my family. . You've got
to send me back straight away.'

St Peter replied, 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.
We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'

Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his
house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and rosey
around, pecking the ground.

'This ain't so bad', he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said,
'So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here ?'

'It's not so bad', replies Dave, 'but I have this strange feeling
inside like I'm about to explode.'

'You're ovulating', explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before.'

'Never', replies Dave.

'Well just relax and let it happen'.

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him
and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood
for the first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that
ever happened to him . . . Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting...

'Dave, wake up, you drunken *. You've * the bed !!'

[Vember]

Think I've heard that one before Roughlee  

Nothing can top Gizmo for me at the moment.

If you've got some spare time which it seems you might (spending the afternoon looking at chicken jokes )
I've got 2 nearly 24hour old ducklings needing constant watching  

[Roughlee Handled]

The joke was was emailed to me honest.  Put a webcam on those chicks so I can watch them from work. On second thoughts that sounds slightly pervy.

It is still making me giggle. Though friends at work think i am a bit odd taking photos of a chickens bum and uploading them on the internet

[Vember]

Not much to see today eat sleep & **it tomorrow they'll be more lively

Get back to work

[Roughlee Handled]

Yes boss I is working now.

[too many girls]

Roughlee what kind of job do you have where you can sit on your a**e all day playing with us?

[Vember]

TMG's  :shock:

 

[too many girls]

at least i have the decency to be unemployed (not on benefits though) since i told my boss where he could shove his job, he was doing his usual yelling and swearing in the kitchen and all i said was "have you been watching Gordon Ramsey again Paul"? and he went off it, honestly, the things he called me, everyone else vacated the kitchen at top speed and i was left standing there like a lemon, and i thought i've been taking this abuse for 3 and a half years and i'm not putting up with it anymore, so i worked the remaing half hour of my shift and never went back, i did phone him to tell him that, because i didn't give any notice he refuses to give me a referance (and he kept my wages, miserable pig) this is his busiest time of year and i know he's desperate for more staff,  so Paul, nah nah nee nah nah.