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Allotment Types

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Chris-Andover

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Allotment Types
« on: February 16, 2019, 12:46 »
Hello from another newbie.  Been reading about the subject, seems that it is better to start with a small plot.  I enjoyed reading on Internet-land about the different types of allotment people (is there a collective noun for allotmentiers?  Is that it; "Allotmentiers"?

There are the preppers who are going straight for the whole self-sufficient zombie-apocalypse preparation thing whom then complain that did you know, you clear the weeds and they actually come back!  Turns out that allotments are more work than a windowsill herb garden apparently.  Go figure.

Then there are the accountants.  These guys seem to base their decision entirely on the pennies in their pocket.  Some buy titanium greenhouses, mahogany sheds and gold shovels.  They drive the Range Rover the half mile to their plot once every other month to conclude at the end of the year that their single marrow was actually not profitable.  Wow, did you use a spreadsheet for that?

The dreamers will see a photo of somebody in a deck-chair on a summer's day supping on a cold-one and figure they want some of that action.  This rapidly wears thin when they discover that they are the ones expected to do all of the digging!  I thought it came with a gardener, a bit like our estate.  Well, really!  How rude.

Then there are the pragmatists whom actually have most of the equipment from their own gardening ventures, or buy it second hand, or borrow it from crazy Aunt Dotty the mad cat lady in the family.  They tend to be positive about the outcome.  Exercise, vitamin D, tasty nutritionally outstanding food, environmentally a step in the right direction (I will fall short of saying they save the world just yet).

So which one am I?  I hope I am being realistic, but small-scale realistic as that pesky having-to-work-for-a-living still gets in the way on weekdays and the too-tired-to-do-anything-because-of-weekdays weekends.  I am wary of some of the bylaws in this country, such as "No firearms on allotments without a permit".  Why did this happen so often they needed to point it out in a bylaw?  Just how dangerous are the plants other people grow?  Triffids need adequate fencing don't you know!  Or a firearm.  With a permit.

So I'm seeing potential plots this afternoon.  I will take the dog which will be my canary in case of violent angry death-eater veg the fluffy coward will no doubt tweet and run away thus alerting me to the danger.

If you're still reading, kudos on your staying power, but haven't you got an allotment you should be digging?

Comments please!
Chris.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2019, 09:45 by Chris-Andover »

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New shoot

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Re: Allotment Types
« Reply #1 on: February 16, 2019, 14:59 »
Hi Chris and welcome  :)  I've split your post off so you have your own welcome thread.

Our site has mainly realists, as the dreamers tend to either shape up pretty fast or leave.  Not seen a gold shovel yet - our site is more re-purposed pallets and debris netting.   No preppers either.  I guess the real picture of an assortment of folk swapping seeds, nattering and grubbing around getting on with it would not make such entertaining reading  :lol:

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mumofstig

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Re: Allotment Types
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2019, 15:34 »
Firearms...some people take a dislike to pigeons and rats and guns are sometimes used for pest control   :D
I hope you will have your dog on a lead at all times, another rule to note.... and while we're talking rules - no alcohol allowed either (on our site)  :lol: :lol:

We also find that people who say things like
Quote
pesky having-to-work-for-a-living still gets in the way on weekdays and the too-tired-to-do-anything-because-of-weekdays weekends.
usually give up before the end of a year, after receiving a failure to cultivate' letter.....so I REALLY HOPE you are a tad more enthusiastic than that ;)
Committees should really ask prospective tenants 'do you actually like gardening?', 'cos you stand no chance of keeping one going -  if the answer is 'not much', or 'for a few hours here and there' or 'only if it's sunny' etc!
Our site is now full, I've shown a few people round for the last 3 smallish plots which became vacant. One youngish man took a plot on in early October and hasn't started yet, nothing done. No strimming, no weeding nothing, despite a mostly mild Autumn and Winter - yet he seemed quite keen to start. People are strange  :wacko:
Here we're split 50/50 between the double-digging, veg in perfect straight lines,old-style people and people with narrow (don't tread on there) beds, some raised some not. We even have a few trying no-dig - so we'll see what happens there! I hope that they realise they will still get some weeds  ::)
Good luck!
Lesley x
I'm not good, I'm not bad - I'm just me, and sometimes I have to apologise for that ;)

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Fairy Plotmother

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Re: Allotment Types
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2019, 17:52 »
Hello Chris and welcome.

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Chris-Andover

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Re: Allotment Types
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2019, 18:38 »
Interesting comments.  "Do you like gardening?" seems like it would make a good first question, but now I have seen my plot I wasn't really asked anything.  As for me, yes I love it and love that fact that things happen at certain times of the year whether you deal with them or not.  So the calendar doesn't wait.  That makes me get out there but "there" is never big enough, hence the allotment.  Looks like 5mx10m which is just perfect for my needs, me-thinks.  Picture attached, if you're interested.  It's the bit below tyres which is a genious move on the Council's part to suppress overgrowth.

Yes, dog was on lead.  Notice on this site's gate says no dogs period but the Foreman was ok on the flying visit.  I get it though, barking dog on a plot that bans them = altercation and complaint which is fair enough.

Firearms, keeps the vermin at bay I see; didn't think of that.  I had better mind my language whilst on site then!

No alcohol?  NO ALCOHOL?  How about growing barley to malt and brew?  Does that count?

Thanks for comments and welcome notes, keep 'em coming.

IMG_20190216_133131.jpg

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rowlandwells

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Re: Allotment Types
« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2019, 19:39 »
Hi Chris of Andover and welcome to our humble site your topic makes good reading have you ever thought about writing a book :D

but I have to say it does make interesting reading and quite true on the question of firearms was you thinking about purchasing a blunderbuss you get more shots for you money with one of those you know you could clear the pigeon population with a couple of shots


and yep there are some rare breeds of allotment people I complained because  I think we have more than our quota and as for no dig I do no dig I use a Ferguson Tractor its less back breaking and it digs quicker than your gold spade of cause I'm still only a novice only  having my allotments for some 40 odd years

still we mite get a few interested in having an allotment this year because there was only 7 plots not cultivated last year and most of us are old plodders not quite got the zimmer frames yet


but you must be very carful when you get your allotment watch out for those man eating thistles or those docks that will strangle you if you turn your back on them and don't you dare us roundup or Glyphosate because you will be hunted down by all those environmentalist's or organics gangs you could  be flogged at the runner bean post 20 times

I hope this hasn't put you of your allotment duties you will need the following
a good flask
a couple of bacon butties
a good comfortable chair parasol opptinal
a good pair of head phones with your favourite  music or you could take a radio tur up the volume so the rest  of the allotment guys can enjoy your rap music

is there anything I've forgot? if i have let me know  :D :D




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Chris-Andover

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Re: Allotment Types
« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2019, 21:38 »
Thanks for the book idea, I have been told I am good with the whole putting together of the words thing.  I am a part-time computing teacher for my sins, so I am happy to strangle a few weeds on my off days.

Blunderbus?  Hmm.  I'm thinking powder-cannon.  Maybe I could do humanity a favour and thin out the Audi population on the nearby main road.  The sudden bang may thin out the aging allotment clientele too.

I'm with you on the weed killer; ok on lawns I guess but I want to eat the produce without, you know, dieing.  Man-eating docks and thistles?  Hmm, now I'm thinking flame thrower.

If I play rap music, you could get your own back and play the high pitched screeching that only people under 40 can hear.  I suggest at max volume and watch the young-uns' heads implode.  Of course one disapproves of such dangerous activites at College, don't you know.

What about growing butternut squash to defeat the pigeons?  If a pigeon can get away with one of those, that's Mister pigeon-sir from then on and I doubt a firearm would do any more than make THAT one angry.  I doubt that St. Peter has heard "beaten to death by an angry pigeon wielding one of my own butternut squash" as a reason for departing this world.




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rowlandwells

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Re: Allotment Types
« Reply #7 on: February 17, 2019, 11:09 »
 Hi Chris a very good reply have you ever thought about becoming the next prime minister as your obviously a leader of men not nannies

rite getting back to the allotment i thought you could take a couple of car tyres down there and have a good old fire plenty of black poluting smoke blowing onto the rest of the guys working on the allotments the add a few green weeds so its burns and smokes for several days you can't beat a good old allotments fire and there's something about burning rubber that i can'r put my finger on?

does anyone still attend college these days i thought they where all out on the streets protesting about something or another do we still pay for edgucation these days as a part time  teacher you must be teaching an empty class room and  is there  still such a thing called  perental guidence in this day and age  or is  this a thing of the past

do you have those fancy sighns at Andover that display 30MPH of cause nobody these days thinks of doing 30 MPH in a built up area ecxept when there's a whits van sitting on the side the road then its headlights for all and  suddenly cars vans especially white vans seem to go verry slow as if there running out of fuel and then there's the harvey Smith driver that only has one finger

well its good speaking to you Chris got to go now i want  to see how Donalds getting on with that fancy wall he's building :D :D








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Chris-Andover

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Re: Allotment Types
« Reply #8 on: February 17, 2019, 11:31 »
Students protesting? That means getting out of bed! Much better to InstaGrot and BookFace on your phone from bed, which brings me back to allotments getting people outside and doing something useful. Long Live Allotments!

Tyres. Been told the Council want them back, better not make them a smouldering heap then.

Me a leader of men? Maybe and thank you, but a leader of women definitely not; married a redhead see and I am fully aware of who holds my lead.

30mph? Not sure Audis and white vans are able to go that slow? It is perfectly legal to stand on the verge in a reflective yellow jacket pointing a hairdryer at traffic in rush hour or videoing for YouTube. Just saying.

Trump's wall, now THERE'S an idea. Perhaps I could put a steel wall round my plot and get the neighboring plot holders to pay for it, what do you think?

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Chris-Andover

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Re: Allotment Types
« Reply #9 on: February 19, 2019, 10:30 »
Yay! I secure my allotment Friday. Terms, I need to be up with the lingo. "Lotty" seems to be short for allotment. Am I now an "allotmentier"? Seems a bit long, what is the term for somebody whom rents a lotty?  What is the collective noun for us? You have a flock of sheep, a herd of cows, a McDonalds of overweight people.  I know the collective noun for teachers is a "depression". Is there a tier system, so I have to have at least 3 years of experience before I shake off the "newbie" status? Is it like the army where I have to salute the old hands? Help!

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mumofstig

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Re: Allotment Types
« Reply #10 on: February 19, 2019, 10:58 »
You are now an 'allotmenteer' according to the dictionary.... so you need the 'official' mug :)
How long you stay a newby depends on whether you appear to know what you're doing growing-wise. Some people stay newbies for years and years on our site  :D

It's time for you to leave the Welcome thread, at least ..
Head over to  'Chatting on the plot' or 'Grow Your Own' if it a serious post/question......
the-allotmenteer-mug-01_large.jpg

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Chris-Andover

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Re: Allotment Types
« Reply #11 on: February 19, 2019, 12:36 »
It's time for you to leave the Welcome thread...
Yay! Acceptance and promotion at the same time. I shall do what I'm told but no promises on the serious question front.



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