[Wychwood]

Another heartwarming Christmas fable

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre -Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into
hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely
day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not a lot of people know this.

[GrannieAnnie]

Don't know if you'v seen this one, but a friend just emailed it to me!

"Two Ladies Talking in Heaven



1st woman:    Hi, Wanda!

2nd woman:  Hi, Sylvia!  How'd you die?

1st woman:    I froze to death.

2nd woman:  How horrible!

1st woman:    It wasn't so bad. I finally died a peaceful death.  What about you?

2nd woman:  I died of a massive heart attack.  I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.  But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman:    So, what happened?

2nd woman:  I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.  I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement.  Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.  I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman:  If only you had looked in the freezer, we would both still be alive.

PRICELESS"       LOL

[MegC1991]

Don't know if you'v seen this one, but a friend just emailed it to me!

"Two Ladies Talking in Heaven



1st woman:    Hi, Wanda!

2nd woman:  Hi, Sylvia!  How'd you die?

1st woman:    I froze to death.

2nd woman:  How horrible!

1st woman:    It wasn't so bad. I finally died a peaceful death.  What about you?

2nd woman:  I died of a massive heart attack.  I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.  But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman:    So, what happened?

2nd woman:  I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.  I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement.  Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.  I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman:  If only you had looked in the freezer, we would both still be alive.

PRICELESS"       LOL

 

There once was a Tsar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife, "Look honey. It is raining." She, being the obstinate type, responded, "I do not think so, dear. I think it is snowing." But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife, "Let us step outside and we will find out." Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain. And Rudolph turns to his wife and replies," I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

[allot2learn]

Does anyone know roughly how many sheet's of wrapping paper you need for an ironing board? 

[JayG]

Does anyone know roughly how many sheet's of wrapping paper you need for an ironing board? 

  Oh dear, poor you - I think the answer is "too many!"


Does anyone know why sellotape would rather stick to anything (the dispenser, itself, you, the "wrong" part of the parcel) than its intended target, and when you do manage to tear off a "good" bit you find your carefully folded tab thingy has unfolded itself so you need three hands to complete the operation?!   

[mumofstig]

I dunno why - but am all too familiar with that scenario  

[snowdrops]

Does anyone know roughly how many sheet's of wrapping paper you need for an ironing board? 

No but I know the way to casualty when you are trying to retrieve it from where she will put it

[sarajane]

Does anyone know roughly how many sheet's of wrapping paper you need for an ironing board? 

No but I know the way to casualty when you are trying to retrieve it from where she will put it

Me thinks that tooo

[JayG]

Does anyone know roughly how many sheet's of wrapping paper you need for an ironing board? 

No but I know the way to casualty when you are trying to retrieve it from where she will put it

Me thinks that tooo

Me thinks it was way too um, subtle so I didn't "get it" - I'm blaming the fact I was attempting to do my own wrapping so was experiencing a major humour short-circuit at the time! 

[allot2learn]

I'm not being overly generous this year as last year I bought her TWO prezzies, a belt and a bag for the vac and she didn't appreciate them, either.

[John]

Why does Santa have 3 allotments?
.
.
.
.
.
So he can ho-ho-ho

 

[Paul Plots]

Love it!!


Let's just hope it doesn't rain dear! 

[New shoot]

A shop in a small town in southern Texas unveiled its Christmas window display to great acclaim.  They had produced the most wonderful nativity scene and the townsfolk stood in awe and wonder, especially as the three wise men were wearing firemen outfits.

Puzzled, they nominated a spokeperson to approach the fearsome lady shop owner.  'Eerrr why's them wise men dressed as firemen maaam' asked the spokeman nervously, then backed out in a hurry as the shop owner exploded in a rage accusing him of not knowing his bible.

As he reached the door, he turned again and said 'I read my bible maaaam, but there ain't nothing about firemen in there, I swear'.

The shop owner grabbed a bible from behind the counter and waving it in the spokeperson's face, pointed a finger at a passage and said 'Does so!  Says right here, the three wise men came from afaaarrrrr'.

[allot2learn]

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.

The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.

The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,
'I think I am going to have a little broom!'

'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.



Are you ready for this? Brace yourself; this is going to
Hurt!!!!!!



'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'

[Paul Plots]

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.

The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.

The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,
'I think I am going to have a little broom!'

'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.



Are you ready for this? Brace yourself; this is going to
Hurt!!!!!!



'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'

 

I bet the broom-in-laws bristled when they heard that!