The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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mumofstig

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4155 on: December 15, 2021, 09:34 »
Groan  ::)

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4156 on: December 21, 2021, 12:00 »
What Peppa Pig really looks like...
37125.jpg

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DanielCoffey

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4157 on: December 23, 2021, 11:15 »
Ah, character design by Picasso!

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Goosegirl

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4158 on: December 23, 2021, 12:25 »
Surely that's by Pigasso!  :lol:
I work very hard so don't expect me to think as well.

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Plot 1 Problems

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4159 on: December 23, 2021, 14:39 »
Father Christmas has said he's going reduce the number of chimnies he goes down this year as he doesn't want to go down with the flue.

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4160 on: February 18, 2022, 18:30 »
I heard about a new product, Potato Milk. I thought it sounded awful until I discovered Smirnoff.  :D
Check out our books - ideal presents

John and Val Harrison's Books
 

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4161 on: February 19, 2022, 06:30 »
I was visiting High Banks garden centre the other day and thought I spotted Michael J. Fox.

I couldn't be totally sure it was him though as he had his back to the Fuschias...

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4162 on: February 21, 2022, 12:23 »
A flight to Spain had reached altitude when the captain came on..

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We'll be flying at 22,000 feet and the weather ahead is good so we should have a smooth flight. Sit back, relax and .. Oh No!"

An ominous silence followed...

Then the captain came back on..

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry about that. The flight attendant spilt hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my trousers!"

A passenger yelled back

"You should see the back of mine!!!!"

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Subversive_plot

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4163 on: March 17, 2022, 15:54 »
Happy St. Patrick's Day:
Irish Guacamole.png
"Somewhere between right and wrong, there is a garden. I will meet you there."~ Rumi

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4164 on: July 28, 2022, 17:50 »
A man was driving in the middle of nowhere down a secluded country road far from any cities. He got a flat tyre, and got out to walk for help. After walking for some time, he came to a small stone monastery. He knocked on the door and roused the monks. "I've got a flat tyre. Can I use your phone?" He asked.

The monks said they were sorry, but they did not have a phone. "If you stay tonight, you can get a ride on our wagon into town tomorrow," they said. So the man stayed the night, and they put him in a small room in the monastery.

In the middle of the night, the man was awakened suddenly by a noise. Not just any noise, but the loudest, most wonderful, most terrifying, most hair-raising noise ever.

He sat there, his heart beating for a few minutes, and he heard it again! Getting out of bed, he went running in the direction of the noise. It came again, making the hair on the back of his neck rise and his skin crawl. Finally, he came to a large door where the head monk was standing. The door was at least 15 feet tall, and made of solid-looking wood and metal. It had chains and bars and locks and a deadbolt on it, and was the most formidable door the man had ever seen.

"What was that sound?" He asked. "What made it? Is it behind that door?"

The head monk shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said. "I can't tell you; you're not a monk."

As the man turned away, he heard the noise again. "You have to tell me what it is," he begged.

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you, you're not a monk," said the monk.

The man tried to sleep, but couldn't get the noise out of his head. In the morning, as he was getting ready to leave, he heard the sound again. It made his ears ring and his mind whirl."Please tell me what made that sound," he said.

But the monks wouldn't. "I'm sorry, you're not a monk" was all they said.

The man left, and eventually got his car fixed and went back to his life. But he couldn't get the sound out of his mind. After a few months, he got in his car and drove and drove until he found the monastery again. He got out of his car and found the head monk. "I can't forget that sound from that night I was here. Please, please please tell me what made that sound." The head monk just shook his head.

"I can't tell you; you're not a monk," he said."Then tell me how I can become a monk," the man said.

The head monk said "It's very difficult. Are you sure you want to do this?"The man said "I've got to. I have to know what made that sound."The head monk said, "To join us, you have to perform several tasks. Your first task is to count all of the stars visible in the sky."

The man thought about how hard that would be, but he had to know what made that sound. He sat up every night for a year, counting the stars over and over until he was sure how many stars were visible in the sky. He went to the head monk and told him, and the monk nodded.

"Very good. Your next task is to count all of the grains of sand on the beaches around the world."The man knew this would be even harder, but he could not get the noise out of his head. He had to know what, what kind of animal, could make that terrible horrible mind-bending sound. So he left on his journeys. He crawled the length and breadth of every beach in the world, counting the grains of sand, and he returned to the monastery years later.The head monk heard his answer and nodded.

"Excellent. You are almost done. Your final task is to climb to the peak of the highest mountain in the world, and see yourself in relation to the rest of creation." And the man knew this would be hard, but he outfitted himself, and he went to the highest mountain in the world, and he climbed to the top, and returned months later, older and wiser and more tired than years before when he had first heard the noise, the noise that would not leave his mind and that echoed in his every waking thought.He returned, and the head monk saw that he was wiser, and said "At last, you are a monk. Come with me."

And they walked through the monastery, its twisting and turning halls, and as they went the man heard the noise again, over and over, and he was no longer sure if it was the noise or merely his memory of it.And finally, finally, he stood in front of the door and the head monk opened it up, and the man saw what had made the noise.

But, I can't tell you what it was. You're not a monk.

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mrs bouquet

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4165 on: July 29, 2022, 13:17 »
This is a true joke.  When my Mum was alive,  (she lived next door)    she and my husband and I went to my daughters who lives on the other side next to me.     When we arrived and Mum had sat down, my daughter asked her if she would like a drink.  Mum replied, Oh, yes please.   Daughter asked what she would like.
Mum replied, Oh red or white, I don't mind, whatever you've got.       Daughter said, No, Nanna, I meant do you want tea or coffee.   Mum said, No, wine  please.   
She did like her wine, but lived to be 99 years old.   I reckon she was "pickled".       Mrs Bouquet
Birds in cages do not sing  -  They are crying.

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DanielCoffey

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4166 on: August 16, 2022, 10:38 »
This was posted on the Facebook Historic Photos group in response to a photo of a Welsh bell ringer from Llangollen in 1825.

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After Quasimodo's death, the bishop sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided to conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills (or lack thereof), he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer's job.

The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"

"No matter," said the man, "observe!"

He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, then told him he had the job. Dancing with joy, the armless man tripped and plunged from the belfry to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.

When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face sure rings a bell."

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop resumed interviews for post of bellringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the twin brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. As you can see, I'm more blessed than he in that I have two strong arms, the better to strike the bells. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, but as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

"What has happened?", the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"

"I don't know his name," sighed the bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4167 on: August 16, 2022, 10:54 »
Fabulous, Daniel!

:0)

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4168 on: November 16, 2022, 18:14 »
If you have a breakdown in an electric car you can still use the AA.

Unless it's a small electric car, when you have to use the AAA!

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Aunt Sally

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4169 on: November 17, 2022, 15:01 »
If you have a breakdown in an electric car you can still use the AA.

Unless it's a small electric car, when you have to use the AAA!

https://youtu.be/3AlndKQSs6Q



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