[Ice]

I wonder if that would work with people Trillium.

[hillfooter]

When it's  as predictable as a wet weekend it doesn't hit the spot.  Or am I wrong? 

An interesting point, although I'm not sure I agree.
There are jokes that I've heard numerous times that still make me laugh.
For example,
"My wife has gone to the west Indies"
"Jamaica?"
"No, she went of her own accord"

Predictable as, a wet weekend, but still as funny to me as the first time I heard it.
As for "toilet humour", I'm sorry, but in this respect I'm still a juvenile, I find just about all of it funny.

When I say predictable I mean the punch line isn't predictable from the lead up not that it's predictable because you've heard it before and it's familiar.  However you have to agree that jokes that you have heard before aren't as funny the second time around although they may raise a smile.

We all still laugh at Fawlty Towers though we have heard and seen every joke a hundred times before.

HF

[Trillium]

I wonder if that would work with people Trillium.

We can only hope, can't we? 

[DD.]

I wonder if that would work with people Trillium.

Best ask Auntie!

[whiskywill]

Doctor Jones was on a holiday cruise.

On his first evening he went to the bar. The barman said “Hello, I’ m your barman. My name is Richard but I’m known as Dick.”
The Doctor replied “Pleased to meet you Dick. My name is Doctor Jones, but I’m known as Doc.”
Dick said, “Pleased to meet you Doc, What can I get you?”
“I’ll have a Daquiri, Dick”
Dick said, “You are in luck. I make a special Daquiri using chicory.”
Doc said “O.K, I’ll have a chicory Daquiri, Dick”

Each evening the Doc went to the bar and said “Good evening, I’ll have a chicory Daquiri,
Dick.”
On the last evening of his holiday, Dick had run out of chicory but had some hickory nuts. He ground them up and waited for Doc.

When Doc arrived he said “I’ll have the usual chicory Daquiri, Dick.”

Dick didn’t say anything but made up a hickory Daquiri.

Doc tasted it and said, “This isn’t chicory Daquiri, Dick.”

Dick replied, “No it’s hickory Daquiri, Doc.”

[arugula]

  ^ a tonguetwister!

[whiskywill]

Late last Saturday night, a young chap was walking home from the pub.
 
It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin.

Suddenly he heard a strange noise ...
 
 
 BUMP........
 
 
 
BUMP.........
 
 
 
BUMP........
 
 
 
 
Startled, he turned around. To his amazement, through the driving rain he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.
 
 
 
 
BUMP........
 
 
 
 
BUMP........
 
 
 
 
 
BUMP........
 
 
 
 
 
He froze to the spot. He couldn't believe his eyes. As the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly. It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home.
 
 
BUMP........
 
 

BUMP........




BUMP.........


 

The coffin was gaining on him. He started walking faster.........


 

BUMP.... BUMP.......

 


BUMP........BUMP.......


 
 
BUMP........BUMP........
 
 
 
 
 
 
The coffin was closing with his every step. He started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him ...
 
 
 
 
BUMP... BUMP.... BUMP...
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
BUMP.... BUMP... BUMP...


 
 
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
 
 
 

 
 
He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .......
 
 
 
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.....
 

 
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP......


 
 
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.....
 
 
 
 
 
 
Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, his hand trembling, he managed to open the lock.

He dived inside, slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair.
 
 
 
 
Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase .
 
 


 
BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
 
 
 
BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
 
 
 
BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
 
 
 
BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
 
 
 
 
 
 
In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him. He bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door .
 
 
 
 
 
BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP...
 
 
 
 
BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP...
 
 
 
 
 
BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP...
 
 
 
 
The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door.

With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges ...
 
 
 
 
 
 
The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad.
 
 
 
BUMP.... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
 
 
 
BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
 
 
 
 
BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
 
 
 
In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet ... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin .

Still it came ........
 
 
 
 
BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
 
 
 
 
He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ... still it came.......
 
 
 BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
 


 
He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ... still it came......
 
 
 
 BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
 
 
 
He grabbed some Benylin cough mixture and threw it ...
 
 
 
 


 
 
 
 
 
 
The coffin stopped.
 

[arugula]

And the old ones are the good uns!

[aelf]

oohhh nooooooo! ##groan##

Whiskywill that was awful - can't wait to tell the kids 

[Aunt Sally]

I wonder if that would work with people Trillium.

Best ask Auntie!

Indeed it does - I frequently delete people

[Paul Plots]

Whiskywill - that's brilliant.

[Trillium]

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit Us and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

They live here. You don't.

If you don't like their hair on your clothing, then stay off the furniture. (That's why it's called it "fur"niture.)

I like my pets better than I like most people.

To you, it's an animal. To me, he or she is an adopted son or daughter who is hairy, short, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
 

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than children because they:


Eat less.

Usually come when called.

Are easier to train.

Don't ask for money all the time.

Don't drink or smoke.

Don't hang out with friends who use drugs.

Never ask to drive the car.

Don't have to have the latest fashions.

Don't want to wear your clothes.

Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and

If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

[Gravedigger]

A snail slid past a slug and the slug said
"Big Issue?"

[mumofstig]

good one Trillium! 

[Nige2Plots]

A snail slid past a slug and the slug said
"Big Issue?"

Subtle