[Nige2Plots]

Two planks standing at a bus stop..................................." I'm bored " said one to the other!

Hard board, card board or side board? 

I'm guessing half-board (definitely 2 short planks and well short of a full one anyway!)

Who Me

[JayG]

Two planks standing at a bus stop..................................." I'm bored " said one to the other!

Hard board, card board or side board? 

I'm guessing half-board (definitely 2 short planks and well short of a full one anyway!)

Who Me

Nope! (Hopefully my veg advice is sometimes sensible, my jokes never!) 

[Thrift]

 




A TOUGH OLD COWBOY FROM SOUTH TEXAS COUNSELED HIS GRANDSON THAT IF HE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HIS OATMEAL EVERY MORNING.

THE GRANDSON DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY TO THE AGE OF 103 WHEN HE DIED.

HE LEFT BEHIND 14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, AND A 15-FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE.

[mumofstig]

LMAO!

[Dirt Diver]

Nice one

[elibump]

LMAO!

Just as well you havent been having gunpowder on your cereal MoS - there could have been another big hole!  (in cheek)

Eli xx

[mumofstig]

 ...very true    

[Paul Plots]

An elderly lady was invited to an old friend’s home for dinner one evening.

She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her  husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, “I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names.”

The elderly lady hung her head. “To tell you the truth,” she said, “his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old s** what his name is.”

[Dirt Diver]

Nice one

[Paul Plots]

What's a calorie?

Calories are the little b*****s that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter.

   

MY WARDROBE IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE S****!

[joyfull]

 
I have those in my wardrobe too!! 

[mumofstig]

are they the same bug...s that make your trousers grow too long...........unless I'm shrinking 

[8doubles]

Conjunctivitis.com






That`s a site for sore eyes.









DOT DOT DOT DASH DASH DASH     i`m really sorry i did that.











Remorse code.     

[Jamie Butterworth]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

[Nige2Plots]

 
That one is older than you are Jamie!!!!!!!!!!!