[John]

Thanks for that valuable information.. do you think ecover washing up liquid will work as well? 

[joyfull]

love it - hope you don't mind but have just borrowed it to put on my facebook status 

[Growster...]

Presumably you saw http://www.themarketingblog.co.uk/e_article001007177.cfm?x=b11,0,w

[dugless]

Presumably you saw http://www.themarketingblog.co.uk/e_article001007177.cfm?x=b11,0,w

My we do tend to wander off the plot


A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. 

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. 

She says, 'What's the story?' 

He replies, 'Just dodo in the carburetor.' 

She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?' 

[Raven81]

Hope this doesn't offend anyone:

A priest and a nun were returning from a church convention when their car broke down. They had it towed to the local garage and faced the fact that they'd have to spend the night in a motel. There was only one motel in town and it only had one room available. So they had a problem.
 
'Sister ,' said the priest, 'I dont think the lord would mind, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this room. I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed,'
 
'I think that would be ok,' said the nun.
 
They prepared for bed and each took took their agreed place. Ten minutes later the sister said, 'Father, I'm terribly cold,'
 
'Ok,' said the priest, 'I'll get up and get you a blanket from the closet,'
 
Ten minutes later the nun said, 'Father I'm still terribly cold,'
 
'OK sister,' said the priest, ' I'll get up and get you another blanket,'
 
Ten minutes later , the nun said,'Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the lord would mind if we acted as man and wife for just this one night,'
 
'You're probably right,' said the priest , 'Get up and get your own damn blanket'

[Glosterboy]

IDIOT SIGHTING 1

My daughter and I went through the McDonalds take-away window and I gave the girl a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a Twenty pence piece.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.'
   
The girl then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change..
 
Do not confuse the girls at MacD's.
 
IDIOT SIGHTING 2
 
We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Madam, you need a  ¼  horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, sorry it's not. Four is larger than two.'
 
We haven't used Garador repair since. 
 
IDIOT SIGHTING 3

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the Highways Department to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

 IDIOT SIGHTING 4
 
My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried Chicken and ordered a Mexican taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimum lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
   
IDIOT SIGHTING 5
 
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an Irish airport employee asked,   'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
 
 IDIOT SIGHTING 6
 
The traffic lights on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
 
IDIOT SIGHTING 7
 
When my husband and I arrived at Our Local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the Mechanic "It's open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

[Yorkie]

 

Very good

[Jamie Butterworth]

I was going to build a herb bed today, but couldnt find the tyhme.

[hillfooter]

I was going to build a herb bed today, but couldnt find the tyhme.

.....or the dictionary either Jamie?
HF

[Jamie Butterworth]

Nope, couldnt find one of them either

[Springlands]

 Waiting in Doncaster to catch speeding drivers, a
 Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
 
 Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a
 speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
 
 Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies,
 two in the front seats and three in the back - 4 of them wide eyed and
 white as ghosts.
 
 The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't
 understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the
 problem?"
 
 "Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you
 should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a
 danger to other drivers."
 
 "Slower than the speed limit? No officer, I was doing the speed
 limit exactly...Twenty-two miles an hour!" ....the old woman says rather
 proudly.
 
 The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her
 that A22 is the road number, not the speed limit.
 
 A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for
 pointing out her error.
 
 "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask....Is everyone in
 this car OK?  These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a sound
 this whole time," the officer asks.


  "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We've just come
 off the A120."
>
>

[davethespread]

the day after the missus left me i go and win £10 million pound on the lottery

she said "i suppose we better give it another go."

so i said "you can if you like,but i dont need to play it anymore."

[mumofstig]

  Love it 

[davethespread]

do you ever wonder about those people who pay £1.50 for little bottles of evian water?

just spell evian backwards.

[mumofstig]

too true dave