[Growster...]

I bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!

[rogerbodger]

I bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!

I bet you were over the moon 

[rogerbodger]

A man walks into a book shop, and asks the cashier "Do you have the Oxo cookery books?"

"No" replied the cashier, "We're out of stock."

[Tenhens]

I hope he didn't get into a stew about it.

[JayG]

Best to change stockists when they're that much out of flavour.

[Growster...]

Joking aside (?) Oxo was invented in Hawkhurst, and we're very proud of that particular fact!

Carry on laughs please...;0)

[al78]

"I've recently taken up golf, and decided to play a round last week"

"What was your score?"

"72"

"That's fantastic."

"Yes, and next week I'm going to try the second hole."

[Growster...]

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning!

Can you believe that, 2:30am?!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes...

[John]

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning!

Can you believe that, 2:30am?!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes...

Brilliant!!! 

[al78]

Two gardeners have entered their potatoes in a vegetable show. One is declared the winner and swaggers over to boast of his success to the other gardener. ‘Not surprised I won, to be honest,’ he says. ‘I thought your potatoes were looking a bit on the small side. ‘That’s true,’ said the other gardener. ‘Mind you, I grew them to fit my mouth, not yours.’

[mumofstig]

 

[Growster...]

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy...

[Yorkie]

 

[rogerbodger]

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy...

1 dwarf in 7 is Dopey, but that fact is not big and it's not clever.

[rogerbodger]

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck.
"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.
"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him
"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvellous, says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.
"Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,
"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck.
"Where is it?"
"At the circus," says the barman.
"The circus?" repeats the duck.
"That's right," replies the barman.
"The circus?" the duck asks again. "With the big tent?"
"Yeah," the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.
"Of course," the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says ............
"Why on earth would they want a plasterer??!"