[Aunt Sally]

Well, put it all behind you and just post your jokes bearing in mind your 10 year old daughter/granddaughter could be reading it.

I don't read the joke topic as a general rules and it's difficult to say that ALL jokes that are left on the board  have been seen by a moderator and are considered OK but if a moderator or myself spots a joke they personally consider dubious it will be removed so please don't get your female undergarment disarranged if your joke disappears. 

[Sparkyrog]

I've removed a few recent jokes as I've had a complaint about the content.

Please don't post jokes with any smutty or sexual innuendo and none with any bad language.

Many thanks

I think maybe you have all missed the point here ! Aunt Sally Made her decision after 1 complaint !In my opinion that is unjustifiable ! How many people have  died in defense of freedom of speech ! I have never seen obscene language or any other unhealthy reference on this site !

[mumofstig]

Please note the site policies

•If you disagree with our site policies or any moderation carried out please contact a moderator or the site Admin rather than posting your complaint/query on the open forums.

Please can the subject be dropped now, the site's owner has explained his view, and I would expect this to be respected.

That just about cuts 75%  of the jokes I receive on the internet if you take out all the referrals to  Religion Politics and  PC's  there is not much left to Joke about.

But we know you like a challenge!!

Seriously, this is basically a gardening / food web site and we want it to be child friendly. There are lots of sites full of jokes but would you like your 8 year old niece or nephew asking what some of them meant? As for politics and religion - it always ends up in people getting hot under the collar and nastiness.

Personally I love arguing religion and politics - but this just isn't the place for them. Happily the days of Bernard Manning are gone so that's the racist and sexist stuff in the bin too.

[hamstergbert]

luckily there exists an infinite number of jokes and if some have to be removed because there is greater than zero people offended, that still leaves (infinity-some) which still equals infinity.

Freedom of speech is great, freedom  to be offensive is also great.  Freedom to apply 'censorship' in defined environments is not a problem - nobody is saying that particular jokes on particular topics must never be told, merely that those appearing on this forum should follow the rules deemed appropriate for here.  If I wish to take exception at one or more of my jokes being faded, I am at liberty to take said jokes to a more appropriate environment.  No reason for me to get the 'ump over it.




Sadly though, risque or otherwise, most of my jokes are such that if Adam and Eve returned to earth they would probably recognise most of 'em....  Ah well.

[Aunt Sally]

luckily there exists an infinite number of jokes and if some have to be removed because there is greater than zero people offended, that still leaves (infinity-some) which still equals infinity.

Freedom of speech is great, freedom  to be offensive is also great.  Freedom to apply 'censorship' in defined environments is not a problem - nobody is saying that particular jokes on particular topics must never be told, merely that those appearing on this forum should follow the rules deemed appropriate for here.  If I wish to take exception at one or more of my jokes being faded, I am at liberty to take said jokes to a more appropriate environment.  No reason for me to get the 'ump over it.

Thanks HGB, exactly so

[hamstergbert]

...and back to the topic.

One of Her Majesty's vessels is on a courtesy visit to the area and the ship's company have been granted a make and mend (afternoon off) to enjoy the hospitality of the town.   Three of them are spotted by a member of the local constabulary middle of the afternoon, sitting on a bench in the shopping precinct, paying attention to a few cans of stella.   He wanders over to check them out.

"OK lads", he says.  "Just want to make sure everyone is behaving.   What's your names?"
One of the sailors leans in to his oppos and whispers "make up a name - we don't want to get in trouble!"
Another looks worried.  "I don't have any imagination - where will I get a convincing fake name from?"
The first chap shrugs.  "Just take a name from one of the shop fronts.  Follow my lead!"
 
The constable takes out his notebook and turns to the first sailor.  "Name?"
Jolly Jack looks around and grins.  "My name is....  John.   John Lewis!"
The policeman scribbles and turns to the next rating.  "You?"
"Er.... Oh! My name is Mark....   Mark Spencer!"
More scribbling and then the constable turns to the third sailor.  "Your name?"
The sailor, who has clearly lunched well if not terribly wisely, looks around frantically then suddenly relaxes.  "My name is Ken" he says.
"Ken?  Ken what?" demands the copper.
"Ken...  Tuckyfriedchicken!"

[Springlands]

Now that is the sort of joke that makes me giggle. 

[Blackpool rocket]

Have another one to keep up the mood...

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, 'Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.'
The man replies, 'I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!'

The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle, and extends it back to the woman.

Politely, the woman refuses to accept the bottle.

The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'


The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'

[Yorkie]

  very norty of her 

[Growster...]

Marvellous, Blackpool!

:0)

[Growster...]

A Polish chap went to apply for a driving licence.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish chap replied, "I know the guy."

[Goosegirl]

Obviously he wasn't a French polisher! 

[cadalot]

  GG you are very norty but I love you for it ..

No he was Polish Doh! i.e. long and thin

[Goosegirl]

GG you are very norty but I love you for it ..

No he was Polish Doh! i.e. long and thin

You are obviously a classic comedian buff! P.S. Loves you too! 

[ARPoet]

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

 

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones

are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs..........................

 

 Then You Are Probably The Family Dog