[John]

Normally I laugh at the jokes here but that one nearly made me cry.. how can people be so stupid?

[8doubles]

Normally I laugh at the jokes here but that one nearly made me cry.. how can people be so stupid?

I get people being that stupid , judges who award such people compensation should be locked up !

[hamstergbert]

It certainly seems that the compensation culture is an interference with Darwinism!   Remember - these people now survive (and prosper with their compensayshun) and are in a position to out-breed the rest of us!  Be afraid, be very afraid......

[ARPoet]

A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.
 "No, they went to town."
 "How about your brother, Howard, Is he here?"
 "No, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says,
 "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably.  "No, I really want to talk to your Dad, about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".
The boy thought for a moment...then says,

"You'll have to talk to my Dad about that.  I know he charges £500 for the bulls and £150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard."

[wighty]

I had to call Paul in from the other room to read that one!

[Blackpool rocket]

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person and tell them to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

No," he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Br

[Yorkie]

 

[Goosegirl]

Blackpool Rocket - that was brilliant! BTW, how did you put the emoticon on your post and where can I download them from?

[rogerbodger]

Blackpool Rocket - that was brilliant! BTW, how did you put the emoticon on your post and where can I download them from?

GG - Blackpool Rocket got it from http://www.jonrb.com/emoticons (http://www.jonrb.com/emoticons/oldgit.gif to be precise). Use the insert image button to add it, and add width and height to be sure it comes out the right size .... you'll end up with something like this

Code: [Select]

[img width=32 height=28]http://www.jonrb.com/emoticons/oldgit.gif[/img]

[Goosegirl]

Ha-ha-ta! Um - as Columbo would say, where is the "Insert image" button? 

[mumofstig]

In the reply to post screen, the image link is under the B button.

You need to put your link between the 2 sets of img  brackets

[mg] here[/mg]

[dugless]

This came as a NPC joke, I have taken the N out of it

[dugless]

Now the actual joke.

An Emergency Call Centre worker in London, England, has been sacked, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems a male caller dialled 999 from a mobile phone stating:

 "I am depressed and lying here on a railway line.
I am waiting for the train to come so that I can go to heaven and get some rest.

"Remain calm and stay on the line," was considered to be an inappropriate response.

[DD.]

These are actual (allegedly) complaints received by a tour operator from dissatisfied customers.

1. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

2. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."

3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."

7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."

8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."

9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."

15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."

19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.

[devonbarmygardener]

The fact that there are people out there that make complaints like that make me despair of the human race completely!!

But they do make me laugh!