[joyfull]

 

[Yorkie]

Very good 

[New shoot]

Just what I needed after a long day at work.  A good laugh at a rogerbodger classic     

[Blackpool rocket]

Not sure if this will come through....

[Tenhens]

The excellent Matt from the DT.  Brilliant!   Thanks for sharing it.

[rogerbodger]

The police in Warrington didn't believe I lived 6 miles to the west of the police station, I had to give a Widnes statement.

[Growster...]

God Loves Drunk People Too
 
 A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
 
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
 
 "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!”
 
 He slams the door and returns to bed.
 
 "Who was that?" asked his wife.."Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers."Did you help him?" she asks.
 
 "No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's bloomin’ well pouring with rain out there!”
 
 "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
 
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"God loves drunk people too you know.”
 
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
 
 He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?”
 
 "Yes," comes back the answer.
 
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
 
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
 
 "Where are you?" asks the husband.
 
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk……...

[Blackpool rocket]

Thank you Growster 

Have one back....

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, an American, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Swiss man walk into a pub.

The landlord says,











"I can't let you in without a Thai."

[andimac]

The wife has been reading all the words in the dictionary beginning with "S"
...
...
...
I think she's up to something...

[dugless]

over the time this has run I wonder how many repeats we have had.

[Growster...]

over the time this has run I wonder how many repeats we have had.

Yes, I worried about my post for the same reason, Dugless, but are we really going to wade through hundreds of pages of jokes before we ever pop one on!

I actually did a search on 'drunk', which proves I can always be a nerd if I try hard enough...;0)

[rogerbodger]

I hadn't got a box handy to make a pinhole camera, so I used a colander to view yesterday's eclipse; I think I've strained my eyes


My mum warned me not to look at the sun during yesterday's eclipse so I looked at the moon instead 

[dugless]

Mod alert
I wonder if this is too racy I just loved it.
>>>>>>> A farmer drove to his neighbour's farmhouse and knocked at the
>>>>>>> door. A boy, about 9, answered.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> "Is your Dad or Mum home?" said the farmer.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> "No, Mr Houston, they went to town."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> "How about your brother Howard, is he here?"
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> "No, he went with Mum and Dad."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> The farmer stood there for a few minutes shifting from one foot
>>>>>>> to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy said,
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> “I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one, or I
>>>>>>> can give Dad a message.”
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> “Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “No, I really want to talk
>>>>>>> to your Dad about your brother Howard getting my daughter Susie
>>>>>>> pregnant”
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> The boy thought for a moment, then said, “You’ll have to talk to
>>>>>>> Dad about that. I know he charges £500 for the bulls and £150 for
>>>>>>> the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”
>

[rogerbodger]

 

[hamstergbert]

<knock knock>
"What's ter want?"
"Oh, hello young man.  Is your mother at home?"
"No, her in't. Hers gone ter bingo wi' mi Aunty,  'Appen they's'll be 'ome abaht ten."
"What a terrible way to speak. Your grammar is awful!"
"Ah, well, she caint help it - her's old, in't 'er!"