[Snoop]

A man took his Rotweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?"


"Well," said the vet "let's have a look at him" The vet picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.

"Well," says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down."

"Just because he's cross-eyed?" says the man.

"No, because he's heavy," says the vet.

I'm embarrassed to say I had to read that three times before I got it.

[brokenglass]

The Spirit of Tommy Cooper lives!

[chrisnchris]

The Spirit of Tommy Cooper lives!

Indeed 


My wife said 'Take me in your arms and whisper something soft and sweet'.

I said, 'chocolate fudge'.

[rogerbodger]

Me : "Doctor, I think I may have a problem with my hearing"
 
Doc : "What are the symptoms?"
 
Me :  "They're a cartoon family with yellow skin , why?"

[yorky]

It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.

[devonbarmygardener]

It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.

[dugless]

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they
can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

[rogerbodger]

I heard on the news yesterday that a woman has been given the first ever breast implants made from recycled trees.

It would be a good joke if there was a punchline, wouldn't it?



highlight the rest of this line if you don't get it : wouldn't it = wooden tit ......

[Goosegirl]

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they
can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

.... and one with an in-built time-lapse to catch a man doing housework. From just one charge, the battery can last until 2020! 

[cadalot]

Why do brides get married in White?

All domestic appliances come in white 

[Goosegirl]

.... and so do most electrical plugs in order that wives can remind their husbands to plug it in and switch it on! 

[Snoop]

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they
can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

.... and one with an in-built time-lapse to catch a man doing housework. From just one charge, the battery can last until 2020! 

Thank you.

[brokenglass]

If the Japanese Camera had a time lapse we could maybe go back to when the jokes were new!!!!!!!!

[devonbarmygardener]

Why do brides get married in White?

All domestic appliances come in white 

 
And that's why I won't get married!
I'm definitely no domestic appliance

[rogerbodger]

The female attempts at having the last word of the household appliance subject reminds me of this ....