It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?

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WeavingGryphon

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It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« on: January 01, 2020, 09:48 »
Happy New Year.

Last night I saw that one of the elderly people who lives on our Cul-de-sac light was on and I First Footed her. You knock on a person's door, hand them coal or fruit cake and say Happy New Year, then rush to get out of the cold. I went with the home made fruit cake. They were on their lonesome and a bit down about how family wasn't with them it so we shared a hug, told 2019 to be away with you.

I just put a note through their door saying our house is full today or we'd love to invite them over. We don't know their plans but would they like one of us to bring them a hot plate of what we're having (time) with a list on the back they can tick off.

I don't know this individual's name, we call them their Title (gender hidden) Across The Way. We don't know if they've got plans, but their lovely in passing and wanted to do something nice.

Have I just made someone feel pitied/more lonely? Should I have left well alone?
Have I started the year pointing out we're not alone and they are?

New year we'll try and remember to invite them over.

Going to go First Foot with cake at someone else's house who lost their wife last year, I'm clearly sharing the joy.

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wighty

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #1 on: January 01, 2020, 10:30 »
Personally I don't think you did something wrong.  At least now they know someone's thinking of them and cares.  Just the five minutes it takes for you to run over the road with a plate of something means an awful lot.  Good on y ou.

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Goosegirl

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #2 on: January 01, 2020, 11:11 »
WG, have you 'ekerslike! I wish there were more people like you with such a caring nature. Sometimes I've done something for someone then started to beat myself up in case I'd upset them in some way. Believe me, I was told I hadn't and far from it. Now I have a confession to make to you. Many years ago around Christmas time when I used to come home from work on my little 50cc scooter down a dark country lane, my dear neighbour's dad lived on his own, so instead of visiting him what did I do? Bunged his card through the letter-box and bu****ed off. When he died, it really hit home to me that I couldn't even find five minutes for a little chat and would loved to have heard all the stories he had to tell about his life. I really learnt a hard lesson and have never forgotten it. Many older people are often too proud to ask for help, but what you did along with the loving hugs makes you a star as far as I'm concerned. GG. xxx
I work very hard so don't expect me to think as well.

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jaydig

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #3 on: January 01, 2020, 16:17 »
I don't think you did the wrong thing. I think you made a lovely gesture that would have been very much appreciated.  We often miss opportunities to make other people's lives better, or just to cheer up their day because we are afraid of causing offence, so don't reach out as much as we could do, and I'm just as guilty of this as anyone.  Little things often give so much pleasure. We stopped at the gateway to our allotment one day, when the strawberries were in season, when a young woman with two children stopped along side the car which must have smelled overpoweringly of strawberries, one of the children asked what the smell was, and I said "these, look", holding out a large container of berries, which I handed to him and said to take them home for tea.  His little face lit up and said "really!!". They thanked me and we drove on home. Such a little thing to do. On other occasions, if I've picked one or two bunches of flowers I've given some away, usually to older people that I might meet, saying that I had to pick them or they would have gone over, but that I really don't have enough vases to cope with them, and could they possibly make room at home for a bunch.  It costs nothing and brightens someone's day.

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greenjay

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2020, 16:42 »
good on you. time is the greatest gift.
most of us live busy lives with work, family and friends. we are the lucky ones.
any impromptu gesture should be treasured.
happy new year

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WeavingGryphon

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2020, 22:15 »
Summary. When I went over to get the menu they didn't answer, so I was worried that I'd offended. But later they came around and was pleased that we had thought of them and was nearly in tears and hugged me. I was told they were going out so I insisted in bringing some over later which I did. We sat and chatted for almost 2 hours.

I've offered to help them get set up with the TPS and pest calls, I'll pick them up a local activities sheet so they can join a club and I'll start visiting and bringing cake and biscuits when I bake.

So glad I did that. thank you everyone for helping me not get in a flap.  :)

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jaydig

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #6 on: January 03, 2020, 09:20 »
I'm sure you'll find that it's the little things that often make such a difference to someone else's life. Even just the fact that somebody has noticed, and cares enough to make an effort on their behalf.  Years ago neighbours looked after each other, but now everyone is so busy with their own lives it doesn't happen as often, which is such a shame.
It's actions like yours that help to build a community.

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jezza

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2020, 09:42 »
Hello my mother sends a Sunday lunch to a man in our village every Sunday no matter what we are having,she's done this for about 10 years ever since his mother died    jezza

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New shoot

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2020, 20:13 »
Hello my mother sends a Sunday lunch to a man in our village every Sunday no matter what we are having,she's done this for about 10 years ever since his mother died    jezza

That is very kind and thoughtful of her.  I bet he looks forward to it every week  :)

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WeavingGryphon

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #9 on: January 06, 2020, 13:37 »
Hello my mother sends a Sunday lunch to a man in our village every Sunday no matter what we are having,she's done this for about 10 years ever since his mother died    jezza

We offered to do that and bring around fresh made cake yesterday, but they've totally drawn a line under everything. They dropped off the casserole dish in the garden rather than knock on the door.

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grinling

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #10 on: January 06, 2020, 14:36 »
I leave the newspaper bag in my neighbours porch rather than knock to return it. They might not have wanted to disturb you.

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WeavingGryphon

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #11 on: January 06, 2020, 18:44 »
I leave the newspaper bag in my neighbours porch rather than knock to return it. They might not have wanted to disturb you.

I was to pick them something up and was pointedly told to put it through the door, not knock.
No one wants to be needy is how I'm interpreting it, I hope I haven't offended.

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mumofstig

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #12 on: January 06, 2020, 19:45 »
You haven't done anything wrong, but it's up to them whether they want to be 'friends' or not. Sad but it seems that is their decision..

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jaydig

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #13 on: January 07, 2020, 09:35 »
It's nothing you have done, it's just that they obviously aren't ready to be helped at the moment. You have made the first step, and haven't ignored their needs, and possibly, at some point in the future, if they need help they will remember what you have done, and they will approach you.  They now know that you will help  and that is the most important thing. You have made the connection, and it is up to them if they want or need to reach out to you.

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grinling

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Re: It's early to be stupid, but did I do the right thing?
« Reply #14 on: January 07, 2020, 16:35 »
Another thing is that a relative or someone else might think you are taking advantage. People are more wary these days, we have also suggested caution to another member on this site who was offered help.
you could put a card through their door apolgising for any offense but none was meant and if they do need help in the future please ask.



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