[plum crumble]

  Davyboy!!!! sweet

[John]

Ten years ago Bob Hope died.
 
Five years ago Johnny Cash died.
 
A couple of months ago Steve Jobs died.
 
Two weeks ago Jimmy Saville died.
 
Now we have no Hope, no Cash, no Jobs and nobody left to Fix It.....

[Yorkie]

Very good 

[Willie_Eckerslike]

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my mate, "That's us in 10 years".

He said, "That's a mirror, dip-stick!

[pigeonpie]

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my mate, "That's us in 10 years".

He said, "That's a mirror, dip-stick!

Brilliant!!  Just the sort of thing I would say!!!      

[snowdrops]

Ten years ago Bob Hope died.
 
Five years ago Johnny Cash died.
 
A couple of months ago Steve Jobs died.
 
Two weeks ago Jimmy Saville died.
 
Now we have no Hope, no Cash, no Jobs and nobody left to Fix It.....

Perhaps we need a coalition to sort it all.

[LilacSandy]

Fellers, next time you're feeling hard done by
 
Spare a thought for the male angler fish. Grotesquely ugly, unable to feed himself and 1/20th the size of the female. When he does finally snare himself a lady, his organs, brain, heart and eyes dissolve until all that's left is a pair of ******
 

[hillfooter]

Fellers, next time you're feeling hard done by
 
Spare a thought for the male angler fish. Grotesquely ugly, unable to feed himself and 1/20th the size of the female. When he does finally snare himself a lady, his organs, brain, heart and eyes dissolve until all that's left is a pair of ******
 

Surely fish don't have ********

[Gandan57]

I was walking over a frozen lake with my mate when he started to tell me about how he and his wife are having loads of arguments,

I said, "You're walking on thin ice there mate!"
 
"Yeah, yeah, very funny, I'm trying to have a serious conversation and you're making jokes," he replied.
 
And thats when the ice cracked and he disappeared.

[Ice]

Surely fish don't have ********

I have a Jewish friend and their family have fish balls every friday evening.

[hillfooter]

Surely fish don't have ********

I have a Jewish friend and their family have fish balls every friday evening.

..........and I never knew fish could dance.  I wondered what the next series of Strictly was going to dish up for us :happy:
HF

[Gandan57]

A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He then stopped by the feed store and livestock dealer where he picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot"

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

[davethespread]

Fellers, next time you're feeling hard done by
 
Spare a thought for the male angler fish. Grotesquely ugly, unable to feed himself and 1/20th the size of the female. When he does finally snare himself a lady, his organs, brain, heart and eyes dissolve until all that's left is a pair of ******
 

i remember having cod ones for tea a long time ago :blink:

Surely fish don't have ********

[LilacSandy]

Here is the pretty Angler fish

[davethespread]

i dig,you dig,we dig,he digs,she,digs,they dig,its not a beautiful poem,but its very deep.