[horsepooisgood]

just got that new 3D tv and its brilliant!!
i was watching the Liverpool game last week and fell asleep.....
when i woke up me wallet had been nicked!!

[horsepooisgood]

And another thing...

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.
Live in a tiny room and pay £900.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out.
Justice for all we say.

AND...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a
single cow, born in Bourne almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Lincolnshire?
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls.
But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION

They kept talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ...

Why didn't we just give them ours? It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we're not using it anymore.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians ..... It creates a hostile work environment.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also;
Think about this ... If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up!

I just did

[madcat]

  ! 

[GTFC197]

every word true

[born_2b_mad]

WARNING: Drinking may cause memory loss.

Or worse, memory loss

[GTFC197]

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A -R -D-W-O -R -K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


And


K -N -O -W-L -E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5
= 96%

But ,

A-T  -T -I -T  -U -D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B -U  -L  -L -S -*-* -T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S -S -K -I -S-S -I -N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7
= 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bulls**t and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.


'REMEMBER SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE
SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT THEM'

[GTFC197]

2 statues in a park, 1 a nude man, the other a nude woman.
They'd been facing each other for 100 yrs, when, one day an angel brings them to life.

The angel says,

"As a reward for being so patient all these years, you have been given life for 30 mins to do what you wish to do the most".

They look at each other and run behind the bushes, rustling and giggling ensues.

15 mins later they return out of breath, laughing.

The angel says,

" You still have 15 mins left, would you like to do it again?"

Nude man says,

"Shall we?"

Nude woman eagerly replies,

"Oh yes, but lets change positions.   This time I'll hold the pigeon down and you **** on his head".

[Nige2Plots]

What do you call a stolen Yam?
A hot Potato..............

[horsepooisgood]

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as


PINO MORE



I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE
I just could not help it.

[Paul Plots]

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as


PINO MORE



I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE
I just could not help it.

    

[Paul Plots]

The Harley Mechanic & Heart Surgeon

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when
he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was
waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a
question?" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the
mechanic working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc,
look at this engine. I also can open it up, take valves out, fix'em, put
in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how
come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are
doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic,
"Try doing it while it's running."

[arugula]

Aliens are coming to Earth on Sunday and their mission is to abduct all good looking and sexy "old" people.  You will be safe; I'm just posting this to say goodbye.

[Aunt Sally]

I'll meet you on the spaceship argyllie 

[horsepooisgood]

Aliens are coming to Earth on Sunday and their mission is to abduct all good looking and sexy "old" people.  You will be safe; I'm just posting this to say goodbye.

Can you explain the meaning of the word "sexy" I've forgotten. What!

[arugula]