[Welsh Merf]

Paddy and Murphy are working at a sawmill, and when they heard that one of their coleagues had succesfully claimed for loss of hearing, they decided to have a go.

They wait in the doctor's surgery to be called in to see him, and Murphy gets called in first. He opens the door and walks in. The doctor says: "Close the door and take a seat."

Murphy does as he's asked and sits down.

"Now before you start,' says the doctor, "I just asked you to shut the door and sit down, which is exactly what you did, so I hope you're not coming here to claim that you're deaf?"

Gutted, Murphy walks out without another word. Paddy asks how it went, and Murphy says: "Not good at all. When you go in there he'll ask you to shut the door. Don't do it!"

Paddy goes in next, and the doctor says: "Close the door and take a seat."

Paddy looks at him and says: "Close the damn thing yourself!"

[Tenhens]

PC Plod is walking along the pavement when he spots a £20 note, picks it up and looks round but can't see anyone. He carries on and spots another £20, again he checks sees no one so again he carries on and sees another £20 . This time he sees an little old lady carrying two dust bin bags over her shoulder walking ahead . Another £20 falls out of one of the bags. Seeing this ,PC Plod catches her up.

"Excuse me , Madam, I've noticed that you are dropping this money out of the bin bag"
"Oh dear me" she replies "there's a hole in my bag, thank you officer"
" That's ok"  He assures her

He ponders for a moment, " Pardon me for asking, but why have you got a bag full of £20 notes?

Well, officer, it's like this. I'm taking the money to the childrens hospital to help their fund raising.

"How wonderful!" He replies,  "How do you manage that on a pension?"

"It's like this , officer,  My garden backs onto a golf course and every so often the golfers use a hole in my fence and 'water' my roses, which as you might guess I was getting a bit fed up with.

"So I decided to wait quietly by the hole with my hedge trimmer and when the next golfer gets caught short and decides to 'water' my roses, I say "You owe me £20 "

"Well,Well, Well"  say's PC Plod " I must say I admire your ingenuity, and I must add that you are doing it for such a worthy cause"   "I'll be on my way"

PC Plod turns to walk away, stops , and thinks for a moment.

"Hold on a moment, what's in the other bag?"

" Oh, that's simple"   the old lady replies.


"Not every one Pays!"   

[Chrysalis]

Ouch!!

[rogerbodger]

And God promised man that good and obedient women would be found in all corners of the world ................ then he made the earth round and laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed

[cadalot]

Love it  the wife said

When God created Man
She was only joking !

[Plot 6B]

The man next door is stealing my Milk and Cheese.
I thought."How Dairy"

Source;
_CBBC

[joyfull]

 

[rogerbodger]

A piece of string with a perm goes into a pub and orders a pint.
When the landlord asks for the money, the piece of string says "how about a bet? If you can guess what I am I'll pay double, if not I get it for free?"
The landlord says "Ok I'm up for that, you are a piece of string"
The piece of string says "ohh you were close, I'm a piece of string with a perm".
The landlord is not pleased but honours the bet.
 
The next night the piece of string goes into a different pub in the same town and orders a pint.
When the landlord asks for the money, the piece of string says "how about a bet? If you can guess what I am I'll pay double, if not I get it for free?"
The landlord says "Ok I'm up for that, you are a piece of string"
The piece of string says "ohh you were close, I'm a piece of string with a perm".
The landlord is not very happy at all but lets him have the pint for free.
 
Unfortunately for the piece of string the pub landlords in this town actually talk to each other and word gets around
 
The next night the piece of string tries his luck in a different pub.
When the landlord asks for the money, the piece of string says "how about a bet? If you can guess what I am I'll pay double, if not I get it for free?"
The landlord says "Ok I'm up for that, you are a piece of string with a perm"
 
The piece of string says " No sorry, I'm afraid not"

[Springlands]

  Had to read the punch line twice.

[joyfull]

me too 

[LilacSandy]

Oh dear, I had to read it three times 

[cadalot]

I'm knot getting it 

[mumofstig]

Oh yes you are   

[rogerbodger]

I've had to stop eating alphabet soup - my Doctor says I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome

[New shoot]

 

Wipes coffee off keyboard