[aelf]

A guy with a carrot in each nostril and a parsnip in his ear goes to the doctor.

'Whats the matter with me?' he says

The Doctor replies

'I think you're not eating properly' 

[Raven81]

A descendant of Eric The Red, named Rudolf the Red, was arguing with his wife about the weather.
His wife thought it was going to be a nice day, and he thought it was going to rain.
Finally she asked him, how he was so sure. He smiled at her, and calmly said, "Because Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."


Sorry I couldn't resist it!

[Willie_Eckerslike]

Thought I would share my attempt to get fit with you in case you would like to try it.

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
... Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
(I'm at this level.)




After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

[Plot 6B]

A descendant of Eric The Red, named Rudolf the Red, was arguing with his wife about the weather.
His wife thought it was going to be a nice day, and he thought it was going to rain.
Finally she asked him, how he was so sure. He smiled at her, and calmly said, "Because Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."


Sorry I couldn't resist it!

Groan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[John]

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

Killer 

[davethespread]

all this aids awareness stuff is really freakin my nan out.

since she heard about the dangers of using dirty needles she has'nt been anywhere near her knitting

[plum crumble]

  silly Dave!! brilliant

[davethespread]

looks like this year naughty children will be getting euros instead of expensive coal
                                *                           *                           *
research says that a good looking person is more likely to cheat on their partner.

obviously these researchers have never watche the jeremy kyle show

[Dabhand]

After all these years I have just found out the first names of my grandparents.

They were called Pearl and Dean...

I just always knew them as Grandma and Grandpa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa

[davethespread]

i went to the doctors this morning and said.

"i applied some of that pile cream you prescribed me and got a really nasty reaction."

so he said "where did you apply it."

"on the bus" i said.

[JayG]

  Dave!

[davethespread]

i cant believe my neighbour 2.30 this morning he was knocking on my door,2.30.

luckily for him i was still up playing my drums.

[Chrysalis]

If only it were true!!

[Dabhand]

The wife was counting all the 1p's and 2p's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself  "She's going through the change."

Local Police hunting the 'Knitting Needle Nutter' who has stabbed six people in the bum in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

I bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!

A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."

An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swam with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name is Bindair Dundat.

[davethespread]

the new manchester united fragrance has been released for this Christmas channel no5

                                    *                      *                       *
arsenal are hoping to lure samir nasri from manchester city with the promise of champions league football.