Allotment Gardening Advice Help Chat
Chatting => Chatting on the Plot => Topic started by: eliop on April 16, 2020, 16:26
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Hello gardeners!
Fellow plot holder made some fairly awkward and cringe-y comments the other day. I mentioned that this isn't fair - we all want to garden in peace, especially now we're in lockdown.
...completely unapologetic. '...if you can't take a joke I don't want anything to do with you', etc etc.
It's an old school allotment, mostly men in their >60s, mostly very humorous, helpful, nice.
Surprised that these two can't see it from my point of view and that they were so defensive...almost passive aggressive...because I asked them to back off. *Plot holder on the other side very pleasant, sympathetic re my being creeped on.
My plot is well ordered, neat and tidy - so this isn't a campaign to undermine my gardening. It's just sexism. Completely ruined an otherwise pleasant place. Whenever this guy turns up now he makes a big deal about being there, shouts out to all his pals, stares at me, etc.
Worth mentioning (?), before Covid he was very reasonable.
Any others experienced similar? Any tips?
I'm not going to give up my patch because I really love gardening there.
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People are very odd at the moment and I find myself taking quite a few deep breaths. I have had complaints taking a child to the allotment as "it's only suppost to be 1 person per plot". This may be fine if you are a man over 60 but for women with children who are already struggling with no school, it is outright sexism.
All I can say is "it's going to be a long lockdown!"
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There's one on our site. Maybe it's me, but if anyone else said what he does I'd probably laugh it off and not take offence but.........it's the way he says it and the inference behind what he says. It would sound stupid coming out of the mouth of a young man, but coming from one well into his seventies, who thinks himself quite the ladies' man it's ridiculous.
I have noticed that if I ever see him in the local town, in the company of his wife, he is different altogether.
I just think he's pathetic and try to shrug it off, but he makes my flesh creep.
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People are very odd at the moment and I find myself taking quite a few deep breaths. I have had complaints taking a child to the allotment as "it's only suppost to be 1 person per plot". This may be fine if you are a man over 60 but for women with children who are already struggling with no school, it is outright sexism.
All I can say is "it's going to be a long lockdown!"
Allotments are more than an old bloke's haven away from long term familial or parental responsibilities.
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Hello gardeners!
Fellow plot holder made some fairly awkward and cringe-y comments the other day. I mentioned that this isn't fair - we all want to garden in peace, especially now we're in lockdown.
...completely unapologetic. '...if you can't take a joke I don't want anything to do with you', etc etc.
It's an old school allotment, mostly men in their >60s, mostly very humorous, helpful, nice.
Surprised that these two can't see it from my point of view and that they were so defensive...almost passive aggressive...because I asked them to back off. *Plot holder on the other side very pleasant, sympathetic re my being creeped on.
My plot is well ordered, neat and tidy - so this isn't a campaign to undermine my gardening. It's just sexism. Completely ruined an otherwise pleasant place. Whenever this guy turns up now he makes a big deal about being there, shouts out to all his pals, stares at me, etc.
Worth mentioning (?), before Covid he was very reasonable.
Any others experienced similar? Any tips?
I'm not going to give up my patch because I really love gardening there.
Hard to take a joke when it's a cover for outright bullying.
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It’s a difficult situation when one person thinks it’s okay to upset another person like that.
I would do my best to ignore him and imagine him naked with rabbit teeth and big floppy ears. It would certainly make me giggle, which would not be what he wants at all. It’s small irrelevant people who behave like him. Just keep that in mind. You’re better than him with his rabbit teeth and bunny tail :ohmy: :lol: :lol:
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Have you a smart phone eliop? If so get a video of him doing what he does best & then ask him if he would like you to show it his wife or relevant authorities, if you feel brave enough. It’s very awkward, we’ve had a chap with obvious learning difficulties who “chats” for hours if given the opportunity, as my plots are divided into long beds with paths in between, he used to follow me around as I worked, but I got the distinct impression he was not looking at my face!as I worked, if I turned round he’d go round to the other side. In the end I’ve asked him to only stop for 5 minutes to “chat” as he’s spoiling my time .
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Thanks all. I posted that because I wanted to feel less alone on this one. It's such a ridiculous problem.
I think laughing it off is my only option, but if it happens again I will muster courage to record it.
Nice to know I'm not alone - although 'nice' wrong word. What a shame.
On a brighter note, I'm expecting a massive delivery of horse manure soon.
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Lovely stuff, eliop. :D
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Many years ago, my Mother gave me some wise advise. "Remember, these difficult men have to go to the toilet, don't grow up and marry one." Every time in my life I have encountered such a person, I create that image, and just laugh. Once, one of them asked me what I thought was funny - so I told him :lol: Mrs Bouquet
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Don't fancy that image seared into my mind. Haha.
...today I learnt he threatened to kill frogs from neighbors pond -
Truly bizarre. Frogs are good, aren't they? They aren't pests, I don't think. They eat slugs.
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Like Snowdrop, perhaps this man has got learning difficulties as well. !! He certainly hasn't learned any good manners yet ::) Mrs B
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Ah we had one of "them" on one of our allotment sites. When he became too obnoxious a look at the tenancy agreement showed that we could send him a letter telling him to behave himself. He didn't last much longer after that.
But then, I'm the stroppy allotment association secretary. Just sometimes I'm allowed to do things like that so long as the letter is polite (we don't want comeback). Sometimes I'm told no and someone else from committee goes off to have a word in the ear (like you'll get the letter if you go on doing that). Works for us.
Trust me - I run a waiting list so threats of the letter do have some force. :D
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Just do what I do, two options whichever suits you best....
Physical two fingers in his direction or virtual two fingers in his direction.
Sad to say most plots have them, we have several to be honest.
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What is a joke to one person can be offensive to another. If the joke is offensive, it has failed as a joke.
Unfortunately some people don't give a toss, and older people become set in their ways and refuse to change their attitudes, even when those attitudes can be shown to be wrong. Unfortunately you can't control other people, so the only thing you can do is ignore him. If he violates your rights and/or deliberately bullies you then report him to the committee, or, if you have a decent sized husband, ask him to smash his face in.
"Old school" is not a validation for acting like a **can't insert the word I would like as it would violate forum rules**.
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Perhaps not the violence bit eh... I think we frown upon that as much as swearing on the forums.
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Like Snowdrop, perhaps this man has got learning difficulties as well. !!
I get tired of hearing this trotted out, as though it is some sort of excuse. Why is it learning difficulties only ever seem to make people nasty. Why have I never heard of a learning difficulty making someone exceptionally nice?
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Hello just say yo those who are plaging you I didn't recognise you with you clothes on if you see them on the street with there other half they have a lot of explaining to do jezza
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Perhaps not the violence bit eh... I think we frown upon that as much as swearing on the forums.
Yeah, violence is not the answer. As previous poster said, we don't want comeback - and, besides, it's better for general atmosphere if I brush it off.
...I did swear on the plot the other day. Completely unrelated. A quiet swear while chatting to mate in NHS. I shouldn't swear on the plot. I imagine if I do anything out of line these guys will merrily point it out. *Sigh.
I agree that having a learning disability doesn't justify sexual harassment. These guys don't have learning disabilities. They're just morons. Completely different.
Urgh...what a depressing post. I'm really sorry about posting something miserable, but I really appreciate the supportive comments....things feel a bit more hurtful during this lockdown so nice to have a bunch to hold my hand through this pettiness
At least rain is forcast! My plot is parched
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Eliop what you are experiencing at your plot is not OK. Just because there is at least one on every site, that still doesn't make it OK, so please don't apologise for finding it all a bit wearisome to deal with.
But ... it is the odd one and the vast majority of people are not like this and would not like to see anyone creeped on or upset by ignorant comments made by an idiot. That is why you have support. It is always 'the one' we remember, but they are outnumbered ;) :)
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You’re in a safe place here, eliop!
Never think that you can’t have a moan to us. We will always try to help :D
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What is a joke to one person can be offensive to another. If the joke is offensive, it has failed as a joke.
Unfortunately some people don't give a toss, and older people become set in their ways and refuse to change their attitudes, even when those attitudes can be shown to be wrong. Unfortunately you can't control other people, so the only thing you can do is ignore him. If he violates your rights and/or deliberately bullies you then report him to the committee, or, if you have a decent sized husband, ask him to smash his face in.
"Old school" is not a validation for acting like a **can't insert the word I would like as it would violate forum rules**.
Am I missing something here? We have a post suggesting serious physical violence and it is endorsed by “likes” from an Administrator and the Global Moderator :(
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I think we have already said that we don’t condone violence, Nobbie.
Perhaps not the violence bit eh... I think we frown upon that as much as swearing on the forums.
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What is a joke to one person can be offensive to another. If the joke is offensive, it has failed as a joke.
Unfortunately some people don't give a toss, and older people become set in their ways and refuse to change their attitudes, even when those attitudes can be shown to be wrong. Unfortunately you can't control other people, so the only thing you can do is ignore him. If he violates your rights and/or deliberately bullies you then report him to the committee, or, if you have a decent sized husband, ask him to smash his face in.
"Old school" is not a validation for acting like a **can't insert the word I would like as it would violate forum rules**.
Am I missing something here? We have a post suggesting serious physical violence and it is endorsed by “likes” from an Administrator and the Global Moderator :(
It was tongue in cheek, not a literal suggestion. Behind it, there is a frustration that morons and bullies don't get comeback for their actions, and they know this, so continue being morons and bullies. This is why sometimes I think that if morons and bullies were to receive significant physical pain as a consequence, there would be fewer morons and bullies in society. At the moment, they have license to upset who they like, because you can't retailate directly, and if you call them out verbally, you are accused of not having a sense of humour. It makes me very annoyed that a so called civilised society allows this :mad:.
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I’m not sure history upholds that opinion, al78. :(
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Am I missing something here? We have a post suggesting serious physical violence and it is endorsed by “likes” from an Administrator and the Global Moderator :(
I took it to be tongue in cheek, but that's your point right? - One man's humour is another man's dross. Fact is, I'm not going to act like a thug and start busting out the big guns. And I bet the old pervs aren't going to actually act on their comments either.
Bottom line: live and let live. Cr*p humour isn't a call to violence.
Grim hearing that stuff, but be reasured: I'm not reaching for the shovel...
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Not everyone is as intelligent as you. ;)
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When I was a small child - not that I'm much taller now, I got my first autograph book, and, as you do, the first people I asked to write in it were my family. I'll never forget what my father scrawled: "To argue with one fool makes two". It has stayed with me for nearly sixty years, and have used it quite often in various scenarios.