The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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cadalot

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2655 on: June 09, 2014, 08:05 »
I call my wife by her north American Indian name Three Horses

My mate asked me what it means

Nag Nag Nag

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2656 on: June 11, 2014, 18:28 »
I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.
I've suspected for some time now that my Mrs has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my Mrs. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide by my vegetable patch which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched next to the cabbages that I noticed something had been eating the leaves.
Should I spray with pesticide or should I introduce a natural predator and hope the plants recover?
Cheers

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Snoop

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2657 on: June 11, 2014, 18:44 »
I have to admit that a lot of the "my wife" type jokes don't do much for me, but this one had me chortling.

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2658 on: June 11, 2014, 23:08 »
Ten ants, got it  :D

Thank you!  :wacko:
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John and Val Harrison's Books
 

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MickyB

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2659 on: June 11, 2014, 23:20 »
I enjoyed the wife joke, very subtle and topical as well,  :D

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chrisnchris

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2660 on: June 12, 2014, 15:43 »
Posted every 4 years......with location changed..............


The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today.
"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope,




" said Jose, age 6.

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2661 on: June 13, 2014, 00:47 »
 :D :D :D
Shame it has such a ring of truth

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2662 on: June 13, 2014, 05:30 »
:D :D :D
Shame it has such a ring of truth
... and probably soon to be followed by reports of the England team arriving at Glasgow Airport to a heroes welcome

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chrisnchris

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2663 on: June 18, 2014, 11:16 »
While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter.

'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ' I don't understand,' stammers the MP.

'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened? '

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning.. ...

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Snoop

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2664 on: June 18, 2014, 15:02 »
Great joke, chrisnchris.

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Ma Lowe

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2665 on: June 18, 2014, 15:10 »
 :lol:  :lol:  good one chrisnchris

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dugless

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2666 on: June 18, 2014, 20:12 »
:lol:  :lol:  good one chrisnchris
It has a ring of irony
Time is more precious than Gold
Spend it Wisely

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Tenhens

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2667 on: June 18, 2014, 22:15 »
Excellent!!

Definitely a ring pf irony! 

The trouble with political is they get elected.
we also rescue rabbits and guinea pigs, grow own veg

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Tenhens

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2668 on: June 21, 2014, 13:08 »
A story is emerging that Mark McConville will make a guest appearance at SW19 on Monday.

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snowdrops

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2669 on: June 21, 2014, 13:40 »
A story is emerging that Mark McConville will make a guest appearance at SW19 on Monday.
I'm built too low, that's gone right over my head :D
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