[mumofstig]

  

[GTFC197]

broke my record the other night for making love to my wife for 1 hour & 2 minutes.



then she told me that the clocks had gone forward.

[GTFC197]

Husband says to wife,

"You should wash your knickers in Slim-Fast, it might make your bum look thinner".

Next day, putting on his underpants he notices they are covered in powder,

"Have you put talc in my pants, Babe?"


"No", she replied,

"Miracle Grow"

[GTFC197]

A sinlge spelling mistake cost me a divorce.

I went to Amsterdam with the lads for a stag night and sent my wife a text,,


"Having the most amazing and wonderful time, wish you were her".

[GTFC197]

on a roll now, just trying to pick out the allowed ones!!!!

[GTFC197]

Husband and wife out driving, not talking to each other after a row,


Passing a field of mules and pigs, wife asks sarcastically,


" relatives of yours?"


Husband replies,



" Yes,  my in-laws".

[John]

Love 'em GTFC

Just don't scare the horses or upset Aunty who keeps us all on the straight and narrow! 

[GTFC197]

Thanks John,

Trouble is I've run out of the " allowed ones", don't want to upset anyone cos I know that there are youngsters on here and that I have to be careful.

just been scrolling through my folders on my mobile and I have got 156 jokes that have been sent to me, maybe 140 won't be on here, 

[arugula]

 

[GTFC197]

crowd of blokes in a pub and a woman walks past,

" I'd give her one ", said one of the blokes.

The woman turns round and says,

" I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last man on earth",

The bloke says,

" Who said anything about sex, I was marking you out of ten, fatty".

[New shoot]

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he’s going to take up farming.
He heads to the local chicken farm and tells the man, “Give me a hundred baby chickens.”
The farmer complies. A week later the man returns and says, “Give me two hundred baby chickens.” The farmer complies.
Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, “Give me five-hundred baby chickens.” “Wow! The farmer replies “You must really be doing well!”
“Naw,” said the man with a sigh. “I’m either planting them too deep or too far apart!”

[DD.]

At a recent job interview:

What would you consider to be your main weaknesses and strengths?

Well my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what's real from what's not.

And your strengths?


I'm Batman.

[Paul Plots]

At a recent job interview:

What would you consider to be your main weaknesses and strengths?

Well my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what's real from what's not.

And your strengths?


I'm Batman.

   Up and at 'em!! 

[Paul Plots]

Birds and Bees….
One day a kindly Grandmother offered to look after her eight year old granddaughter.
Whilst in the middle of a game the child turned and asked Granny, 'What do you call it when one person lies on top of another person?'
Granny could not believe her bad luck in having this question asked and decided to explain all about the 'birds and the bees'.

The next day, her granddaughter came round again and said, “Mummy says that it's called 'Bunk Beds' and that she's coming round to see you later!”

[Y.E.A.H]