[madcat]

Wait 'till argyllie sees it !!!   

[davethespread]

call it a hunch,but im pretty sure i have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.

[Faz]

Somebody keeps breaking in to my allotment at night and tipping extra soil all over it.

The plot thickens.....

[mumofstig]

Somebody keeps breaking in to my allotment at night and tipping extra soil all over it.

The plot thickens.....

we've had that one already.......but it is funny

[Trillium]

Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

1. "Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?"

2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"

5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

6. "Did he kill you?"

7. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

8. "How many times have you committed suicide?"

9. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"

10. Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "How many were girls?"

11. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

12. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."

13. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

14. Q: "You were shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."

[peapod]

That made me laugh my head off! I love #10 #12 #13
 

[Gwiz]

   

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were
excessively mischievous. They were always
getting into trouble and their   parents knew all about it.

If any mischief occurred in their town,
the two boys were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher
in town had been successful in   disciplining children,   so she asked if he would speak with her boys.

The preacher agreed, but he asked to see
them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first,  in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming
voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,

'Do you know where God is, son?'

The boy's mouth dropped open , but he
made no response, sitting there wide-eyed
with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?'

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, 'Where is God?'

The boy screamed and bolted from the
room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the
closet, he asked, 'What happened?'

The younger brother, gasping for breath,
replied,'We are in BIG trouble this time,'
(I just LOVE reading this next line again and again:)

'GOD is missing, and they think we did it!'
 
 

[joyfull]

  love it

[peapod]

 

Great stuff!

[Paul Plots]

After retiring a man went to a government office to apply for his pension.
The woman behind the desk asked for a drivers licence to verify his age.
The man then realised he had left his wallet at home and told the woman he was sorry but he would have to go home and return later but the woman said, "Unbutton your shirt."

He did as he was told, revealing a chest of curly silver hair.
The woman then said, "That silver hair is proof enough for me," and duly processed his application.

When he got home the man excitedly told his wife about his experience at the government office.
Unimpressed his wife said, "You should have dropped your pants she might have given you a disability allowance too!”

[Rangerkris]

HHAHAHAHHAH thats a funny one Leaner

[davethespread]

im dyslexic and swindon was my idea

[8doubles]

I`m an agnostic, dyslectic , insomniac.

I lie awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

[Paul Plots]

I`m an agnostic, dyslectic , insomniac.

I lie awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

We've got a cat so I sleep well  :blink:

[Glosterboy]

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under  your vehicle.
From the Daily News comes this story of a Leicester couple who drove their car to ASDA, only to have their car break down in the car park.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under
the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of
underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones..
 
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching.
 
The AA mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.