[Tenhens]

Cheltenham tip of the day .... Lunch Hour 12/1

Very slow on that one, I must admit.  I thought , what's betting tips doing on here/?

Then the penny dropped!!

Like the snail one.

Not only were they sluggish , they'd be shell shocked!!

[rosiecider]

Cheltenham tip of the day .... Lunch Hour 12/1

Very slow on that one, I must admit.  I thought , what's betting tips doing on here/?

Then the penny dropped!!

Like the snail one.

Not only were they sluggish , they'd be shell shocked!!

 

[JayG]

Read somewhere that yoghurt was good for the digestion, so decided to give it a try.

On opening the carton I heard a rather posh voice saying 'once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more', which I found a little alarming until I realised I'd bought cultured yoghurt.

[mumofstig]

groan!

[rogerbodger]

The Beach Boys walk into a pub

"Round?"
"Round?"
"Get a round"
"I get a round?"
"Get a round...."

[JayG]

Read somewhere that yoghurt was good for the digestion, so decided to give it a try.

On opening the carton I heard a rather posh voice saying 'once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more', which I found a little alarming until I realised I'd bought cultured yoghurt.

groan!

Well, at least it was more or less home groan. 

[New shoot]

Well, at least it was more or less home groan. 

You're not helping you know 

On a food theme - how do you judge character with a doughnut?  Put one in front of someone and ask them what they see.

An optimist will see the doughnut, a pessimist will see the hole and a realist will see the calories.

[yorky]

What do you call an Alligator that's wearing a vest?


An investigator.

[rogerbodger]

I heard on the news that an alligator had been found in the Artic, the locals said they were not surprised because they were expecting a cold snap!

[grinling]

An Irishman walks into a bar in London, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
“You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it,” the bartender tells him, “and it would taste better if you bought one at a time.”
The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I ‘ave two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I’m ‘ere in London. When we all left home, we promised we’d always drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each o’me brothers and one for meself.”
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and gives him his three pints.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them all together, one sip each.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”
The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. “Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” he explains, “It’s just that me wife ‘ad us join that Baptist Church and I ‘ad to quit drinking. ‘asn’t affected me brothers though.”

[azubah]

Some there I have never heard before, thanks for the laugh, much appreciated.

[rogerbodger]

I think I've been eating too much salmon recently; I've just tried to run up a down escalator.

[Yorkie]

 

[Growster...]

I think I've been eating too much salmon recently; I've just tried to run up a down escalator.

You must be stark stairing bonkers then...

[gobs]

Can I put a joke in here? I don't see such topic going.



The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'