The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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Goosegirl

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3240 on: December 05, 2015, 10:52 »
The little monkey!  :mad: He's probably lion back on his recliner sipping a vodka and orang-u-tang with his wife(cockatoo-tails to fallow), listening to either Justin Beaver or Seal, and wondering ... rhino-one spotted the elephant in the room I have no ideer, but I think I can manage to bear up under the strain!  :D
I work very hard so don't expect me to think as well.

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Yorkie

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3241 on: December 05, 2015, 12:56 »
I didn't really mean you should all go  :(

Love the photo! :lol:
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days all attack me at once...

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Goosegirl

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3242 on: December 05, 2015, 13:05 »
My doctor sent me to the pharmacist for some suppositories. When I told him what I wanted, he turned towards the suppository shelf and said "Walk this way." I said "If I could walk that way I wouldn't need them."  :mad:

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3243 on: December 05, 2015, 16:44 »
A farmer named Paddy had a car accident.
He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company’s hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.
‘Didn’t you say to the police at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’ asked the solicitor.
Paddy responded: ‘Well, I’ll tell you what happened....
I’d just loaded my fav’rit cow, Bessie, into da… ‘
‘I didn’t ask for any details’, the solicitor interrupted. ‘Just answer the question.
Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?’
Paddy said, ‘Well, I’d just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin’ down da road…. ‘
The solicitor interrupted again and said,’Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine.
Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client.
I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. ‘
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy’s answer and said to the solicitor: ‘I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie’.
Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded.’Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav’rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin’ her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side.
I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder.
By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn’t want to move.
However, I could hear old Bessie moanin’ and groanin’.
I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up.
He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’ too, so he went over to her.
After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘How are you feelin’?’
‘Now wot da hell would you say

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Plot 6B

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3244 on: December 06, 2015, 13:10 »
Did you hear about the man who stole a Advent Calendar?

He got Twenty four days! :ohmy: :ohmy: :D
The fruits of success come from hard work!
A.K.A. Nige2plots

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Blackpool rocket

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3245 on: December 14, 2015, 14:11 »
Stolen from somewhere else
christmas stamp.jpg

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Snoop

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3246 on: December 14, 2015, 14:17 »
Stolen from somewhere else

 :lol:

Looks like the air guitar is playing itself.

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Chrysalis

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3247 on: December 14, 2015, 16:02 »
Are they playing "Little Donkey"?

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hamstergbert

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3248 on: December 14, 2015, 22:24 »
...to celebrate the birth of a mule-ing Infant King?

...or playing the Rossini tune used for the Loan Manger...

....or at a Quixotically chosen pitch - what you could call the Don Key....

...or a gig playing those golden oldies, frankincensey even olderies and myrrhey downright ancienties....

...played really, really loud for the Herod of hearing.....

...the gig sponsored by French seamstress Lizzie, under her trade name of 'Beth Le Hem'....





(sorry)


« Last Edit: December 14, 2015, 22:25 by hamstergbert »
The Dales - probably fingerprint marks where God's hand touched the world

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3249 on: December 15, 2015, 05:02 »
I went to see my doctor this morning to see if I couldn't try and sort out these feelings of intense depression, unease and extreme edginess I get every year during the festive season.

He told me to have a cup of cocoa and just get some rest because I have severe Auld Lang-xiety.

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Blackpool rocket

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3250 on: December 15, 2015, 10:10 »





(sorry)

You're forgiven this time, but please don't let it happen again  ;)


joke.jpg

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Snoop

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3251 on: December 15, 2015, 12:46 »
Brilliant, Hamstergerbert and Rogerbodger. Gave me a right good grin.

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3252 on: December 15, 2015, 21:56 »
Huge laughs here, all you lot...

;0))))))

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3253 on: December 15, 2015, 21:58 »

    A touching story.............

What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, my wife and I, listened to the instructor declare,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.."
He then addressed the men,
'Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower?'
I leaned over, touched my wife's hand gently, and whispered,
'Self-raising, isn't it?'
And thus began my life of celibacy..........

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Goneterseed

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3254 on: December 15, 2015, 22:34 »
I bought a new computer. When I turn it on, instead of saying "Welcome", it says "Hello".
It's a Dell.



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