Sex....ism

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eliop

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Sex....ism
« on: April 16, 2020, 16:26 »
Hello gardeners!

Fellow plot holder made some fairly awkward and cringe-y comments the other day. I mentioned that this isn't fair - we all want to garden in peace, especially now we're in lockdown.

...completely unapologetic. '...if you can't take a joke I don't want anything to do with you', etc etc.

It's an old school allotment, mostly men in their >60s, mostly very humorous, helpful, nice. 

Surprised that these two can't see it from my point of view and that they were so defensive...almost passive aggressive...because I asked them to back off. *Plot holder on the other side very pleasant, sympathetic re my being creeped on.

My plot is well ordered, neat and tidy - so this isn't a campaign to undermine my gardening. It's just sexism. Completely ruined an otherwise pleasant place. Whenever this guy turns up now he makes a big deal about being there, shouts out to all his pals, stares at me, etc.

Worth mentioning (?), before Covid he was very reasonable.

Any others experienced similar? Any tips?

I'm not going to give up my patch because I really love gardening there.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2020, 16:32 by eliop »

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Charlibp

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2020, 17:21 »
People are very odd at the moment and I find myself taking quite a few deep breaths. I have had complaints taking a child to the allotment as "it's only suppost to be 1 person per plot". This may be fine if you are a man over 60 but for women with children who are already struggling with no school, it is outright sexism.
All I can say is "it's going to be a long lockdown!"

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jaydig3

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2020, 17:27 »
There's one on our site.  Maybe it's me, but if anyone else said what he does I'd probably laugh it off and not take offence but.........it's the way he says it and the inference behind what he says.  It would sound stupid coming out of the mouth of a young man, but coming from one well into his seventies, who thinks himself quite the ladies' man it's ridiculous.
I have noticed that if I ever see him in the local town, in the company of his wife, he is different altogether.

I just think he's pathetic and try to shrug it off, but he makes my flesh creep.

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WeavingGryphon

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2020, 17:51 »
People are very odd at the moment and I find myself taking quite a few deep breaths. I have had complaints taking a child to the allotment as "it's only suppost to be 1 person per plot". This may be fine if you are a man over 60 but for women with children who are already struggling with no school, it is outright sexism.
All I can say is "it's going to be a long lockdown!"

Allotments are more than an old bloke's haven away from long term familial or parental responsibilities.

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WeavingGryphon

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2020, 17:52 »
Hello gardeners!

Fellow plot holder made some fairly awkward and cringe-y comments the other day. I mentioned that this isn't fair - we all want to garden in peace, especially now we're in lockdown.

...completely unapologetic. '...if you can't take a joke I don't want anything to do with you', etc etc.

It's an old school allotment, mostly men in their >60s, mostly very humorous, helpful, nice. 

Surprised that these two can't see it from my point of view and that they were so defensive...almost passive aggressive...because I asked them to back off. *Plot holder on the other side very pleasant, sympathetic re my being creeped on.

My plot is well ordered, neat and tidy - so this isn't a campaign to undermine my gardening. It's just sexism. Completely ruined an otherwise pleasant place. Whenever this guy turns up now he makes a big deal about being there, shouts out to all his pals, stares at me, etc.

Worth mentioning (?), before Covid he was very reasonable.

Any others experienced similar? Any tips?

I'm not going to give up my patch because I really love gardening there.

Hard to take a joke when it's a cover for outright bullying.

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Aunty

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2020, 18:54 »
Its a difficult situation when one person thinks its okay to upset another person like that.

I would do my best to ignore him and imagine him naked with rabbit teeth and big floppy ears. It would certainly make me giggle, which would not be what he wants at all.  Its small irrelevant people who behave like him.  Just keep that in mind. Youre better than him with his rabbit teeth and bunny tail  :ohmy: :lol: :lol:
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snowdrops

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #6 on: April 16, 2020, 20:38 »
Have you a smart phone eliop? If so get a video of him doing what he does best & then ask him if he would like you to show it his wife or relevant authorities, if you feel brave enough. Its very awkward, weve had a chap with obvious learning difficulties who chats for hours if given the opportunity, as my plots are divided into long beds with paths in between, he used to follow me around as I worked, but I got the distinct impression he was not looking at my face!as I worked, if I turned round hed go round to the other side. In the end Ive asked  him to only stop for 5 minutes to chat as hes spoiling my time .
A woman's place is in her garden.

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eliop

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2020, 21:18 »
Thanks all. I posted that because I wanted to feel less alone on this one. It's such a ridiculous problem.

I think laughing it off is my only option, but if it happens again I will muster courage to record it.

Nice to know I'm not alone - although 'nice' wrong word. What a shame.

On a brighter note, I'm expecting a massive delivery of horse manure soon.

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Aunty

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #8 on: April 16, 2020, 23:16 »
Lovely stuff, eliop.  :D

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mrs bouquet

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #9 on: April 17, 2020, 13:51 »
Many years ago, my Mother gave me some wise advise.       "Remember, these difficult men have to go to the toilet, don't grow up and marry one."   Every time in my life I have encountered such a person, I create that image, and just laugh.    Once, one of them asked me what I thought was funny  -  so I told him    :lol:  Mrs Bouquet
Dux Femina Facti

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eliop

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #10 on: April 17, 2020, 15:46 »
Don't fancy that image seared into my mind. Haha.

...today I learnt he threatened to kill frogs from neighbors pond -

Truly bizarre. Frogs are good, aren't they? They aren't pests, I don't think. They eat slugs.


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mrs bouquet

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #11 on: April 17, 2020, 17:16 »
Like Snowdrop, perhaps this man has got learning difficulties as well.  !!    He certainly hasn't learned any good manners yet  ::)  Mrs B

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Christine

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #12 on: April 17, 2020, 17:18 »
Ah we had one of "them" on one of our allotment sites. When he became too obnoxious a look at the tenancy agreement showed that we could send him a letter telling him to behave himself. He didn't last much longer after that.

But then, I'm the stroppy allotment association secretary. Just sometimes I'm allowed to do things like that so long as the letter is polite (we don't want comeback). Sometimes I'm told no and someone else from committee goes off to have a word in the ear (like you'll get the letter if you go on doing that). Works for us.

Trust me - I run a waiting list so threats of the letter do have some force.  :D

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Aidy

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #13 on: April 17, 2020, 20:47 »
Just do what I do, two options whichever suits you best....
Physical two fingers in his direction or virtual two fingers in his direction.
Sad to say most plots have them, we have several to be honest.
Punk isn't dead...it's underground where it belongs. If it comes to the surface it's no longer punk...it's Green Day!

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al78

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Re: Sex....ism
« Reply #14 on: April 18, 2020, 00:02 »
What is a joke to one person can be offensive to another. If the joke is offensive, it has failed as a joke.

Unfortunately some people don't give a toss, and older people become set in their ways and refuse to change their attitudes, even when those attitudes can be shown to be wrong. Unfortunately you can't control other people, so the only thing you can do is ignore him. If he violates your rights and/or deliberately bullies you then report him to the committee, or, if you have a decent sized husband, ask him to smash his face in.

"Old school" is not a validation for acting like a **can't insert the word I would like as it would violate forum rules**.


 

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