[hamstergbert]

"proper can of worms" contains a couple of typos and obscure references that muddle the meaning and origins of the expression.

'worms' is clearly a reference to the 1521 diet of worms, a long ago forerunner of the Atkins diet, consisting as it did of only soil dwelling members of the phylum 'Annelida'. (Believed to have been invented by an early Royal Marines survival instructor).(The diet, not the worms).(The worms were invented by God).(Obviously).

'can' is a mis-spelling of the phonetically similar 'Ken' - this does actually refer to a chap called Ken.

'proper' actually ought to be spelled 'propper', that is, one who props.

Historically it references a chap called Ken who was employed to prop up people who had been rendered excessively weak and unsteady due to over-adherence to the aforementioned diet of worms but who found it so disgusting they did not eat enough to remain healthy.

Pretty obvious, I'd have thought.

[John]

And now we can move on to the demise of the ancient craft of saggar makers bottom knocker after worm proppers

The doctor has given me a diet sheet. No wonder the NHS is in trouble, 3 sheets of paper that can be summed up in one sentence. "If the food is enjoyable and tasty, it is forbidden."

[Chrysalis]

I can think of another use for those 3 sheets of paper....

[hamstergbert]

sheets of paper? 

...such things as reams are made of.....

[Tenhens]

 

I can think of another use for those 3 sheets of paper....

Surely not the stuff we had to use at school , used to try and hold on till I got home.

[Goneterseed]

IZAL.   

[Chrysalis]

IZAL - is that a new terrorist organisation? Surely our loos are safe from this?!

[hamstergbert]

ah, IZAL - the dwarf bread of loo papers.


Confusing for a child ' "West Riding County Council - Please wash your hands"
Why would you have to wash your hands after using tracing paper......
......or using it with a comb to give  spirited rendition of 'Colonel Bogey'......
......or soaking it in a strong saltpetre solution so when dried usable as home made flash paper.......
......or using with a dab of brown sauce and lots of elbow grease to polish Granny's brasses....
(actually polishing Granny's brasses was a mucky job so you probably did need to wash your hands).
(And no, polishing Granny's brasses is NOT some smutty euphemism).

[rogerbodger]

I can you're on a roll 

[Plotmaster]

What does IZAL and the USS Enterprise have in common?
They both get rid of Klingons

[Blackpool rocket]

Just bought a dog from the local blacksmith.

As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

[Tenhens]

Sounds like you need to forge a relationship with your hound.   While he's in a creative mood , can you get him to make me some hinges.

[rogerbodger]

My dog lost his tail ...... he's been OK since I took him to the retail park

[hamstergbert]

My dog lost his tail ......

....but I reported him to MI5 and they slapped a tail on him...

[Growster...]

My dog doesn't eat meat!

Why?

Because we don't give her any!

and...

My dog's got no nose!

How does she smell?

Terrible...