Probably not funny but ironical
In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in England and said, "Once again, the earth has
become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before
me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few
good humans."
He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You
have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for
40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and
saw Noah weeping in his yard
- but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about
to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah,
"but things have changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval because
the Ark was over 30sq m. I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about
the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have
obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because
it is development of the site even though in my view it is a temporary
structure, but the roof is too high.
We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of
State for a decision. The Local Area Access Group complained that
my ramp was going to be too steep, And the inside of the Ark wasn't fully
accessible, then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted
for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions,
to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that
the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. All
the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a
Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted
owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to
save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, the
RSPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against
their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the County Council, the Environment Agency
and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building
experience.
To make matters worse, Customs and Excise
seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least
10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began
to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder
and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government
beat me to it."