[Tenhens]

What did the first hat say to the second hat ?

You wait here , I'll go on a head.

[Growster...]

Talking of hats, Ten, then answer this one...

A man is standing on Westminster Bridge, and decides to jump off into the river Thames.

Where was he when he jumped?

(This is a following discussion about where a man stood on the same bridge and his hat blew off; what was his telephone number...)!

[John]

Talking of hats, Ten, then answer this one...

A man is standing on Westminster Bridge, and decides to jump off into the river Thames.

Where was he when he jumped?

(This is a following discussion about where a man stood on the same bridge and his hat blew off; what was his telephone number...)!

What are you smoking?

[Tenhens]

Talking of hats, Ten, then answer this one...

A man is standing on Westminster Bridge, and decides to jump off into the river Thames.

Where was he when he jumped?

(This is a following discussion about where a man stood on the same bridge and his hat blew off; what was his telephone number...)!

Apparently , it's an improper question .

[slingshot2000]

I would love to know the proper answer, to either of the above.

[rogerbodger]

A man loses his hat, so he goes to church to steal one off of the hat rack. When he gets there, the priest was giving his sermon on the Ten Commandments.
Something in the sermon gives the man a flash of insight and, after mass, the man goes to confession to tell the priest what he was going to do...
Man: Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
Father: Go ahead, son.
Man: I lost my hat and I came to church today to steal a hat off of the rack.
Father: Is that so?
Man: But then I heard you talking about the Ten Commandments - and I changed my mind.
Father: Really? My son, did you make this decision when I was discussing the commandment: "Thou shalt not steal?"
Man: No. It was when you started talking about, "Thou shalt not commit adultery" that I remembered where my hat was!

[Growster...]

I would love to know the proper answer, to either of the above.

So would I Slingers...

I used to have hate-looks from all directions back when I actually 'worked' in an office with a load of others, and kept cajoling them...

[rogerbodger]

"Borrowed" from another forum

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives, in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the blooming R!"
His forehead is all bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies,
"The word was

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CELEBRATE!"

[Yorkie]

 

[rogerbodger]

Hollywood are going to make an action movie about the great composers.
Sylvester Stallone said "I'll be Beethoven", Bruce Willis said "I'll be Mozart" and Arnold Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach".

[hamstergbert]

The late Peter O'Toole and Richard Burton would of course inevitably have been Brahms and Liszt.

They couldn't find the actor who was Haydn.

And the actor found in the laundry was probably Purcell.

And away in Tescos was the actor who was Chopin...

One actor cast as a composer was really Bizet writing Carmen....



oh, I'll get me coat.....

[Chrysalis]

Very Satie-sfying!

At least no one made a joke about Scheidt...oops!  It's all unRavel-ling.....  Someone has set the Wolf on me and I've got the Byrd.....I shall have to leave Britten........time for a Faure into foreign parts...

[Growster...]

Reprise of a post here six years ago...

Two dogs and a cat went to the opera.

The head dog got up on his hind legs at the kiosk, and asked for three tickets in the stalls, and the cashier said

'What on earth do two dogs and a cat want at an opera, you've no cultural training, and we don't let animals in anyway'!

The head dog replied, 'Oh yes we do have a lot in common with classical music and opera, we know more than you think I assure you'!

The Cashier replied, 'What rubbish, I bet you don't know any composer's names'!

The head dog stands up again, points his paw to himself then the others and replies :-

'I Bach, he Offenbach, and this is Debussy...'!

(I'll join you Hamsters...)

[Tenhens]

Have found the following on the BBC pages from the Edinburgh Fringe


1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng

2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle

3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle

4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz

5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field

6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons

7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin

8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne

9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel

10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King

11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes

12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff

13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang

14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess

15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine

[grinling]

From facebook

My Grandad was a WWII veteran. In just one day during the Battle of Britain, he destroyed 8 German aircraft killing 32 Nazi aviators.
Easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.