[lizt]

during the summer we where sat out side in the sun talking to my 83yr old mother in law and we where talking about the allotment and gardening and if she'd like some veg,
my husband asked her if she liked radish to which she replied 'not since they all got myxomatosis!' to which i burst out laughing, she had obviously misheard radish for rabbit! my poor mother in law couldn't understand why i was laughing and i couldn't explain for laughing and my husband, her son, couldn't do owt cause he'd start laughing too.
sorry mum just too good a story not to share. xxx

[hillfooter]

during the summer we where sat out side in the sun talking to my 83yr old mother in law and we where talking about the allotment and gardening and if she'd like some veg,
my husband asked her if she liked radish to which she replied 'not since they all got myxomatosis!' to which i burst out laughing, she had obviously misheard radish for rabbit! my poor mother in law couldn't understand why i was laughing and i couldn't explain for laughing and my husband, her son, couldn't do owt cause he'd start laughing too.
sorry mum just too good a story not to share. xxx

A delieghtful story which caused me to smile as it reminded me of a similar story with my MIL.

She was getting into her late 80s and had been suggesting that as she was coming to the end of her motoring life she wanted to change her "little car".  I had to admit that her now aging Nova was rather tired looking though it had barely done 40000 miles after 10 years.  My wife wasn't impressed as she had been trying to persuade her to give up driving for hers and the sake of other road users and in truth the ocassional short shopping trip she mostly used it for she could afford to pay for a taxi.  However I realised she wasn't to be put off when she announced that "Betty has just got a little Corsair (she meant Corsa) and I'd like one".  either we helped her or she would no doubt be ripped off by the local dealership.  "I't must be small and have four doors she insisted", when I enquired about what the requirements of the "new car" were.

Anyway being rather anti the idea of the then aging Corsa design I set about doing some research on other models that would suit her needs.   I'd narrowed it down to a couple of candidates the top of which was the new Fiat Panda which at the time had just been launched and was getting good reviews. 

So armed with the facts I discussed the virtues of the Fiat with her.  She seemed singularly unimpressed, listening without comment, which I put down to her natural mistrust of all things "foreign".  Finally I played my trump card,  "Jeremy Clarkson has given it a very good write up!", I announced triumphantly.   "Yes he is dear isn't he!", she replied.  Somewhat puzzled I asked what she meant............. "Jeffrey Archer's a very good writer", she replied!

What finally persuaded her that she needed hearing aids is another and even more hilarious story.

HF

[John]

What finally persuaded her that she needed hearing aids is another and even more hilarious story.

Come on, tell us!

[hillfooter]

What finally persuaded her that she needed hearing aids is another and even more hilarious story.

Come on, tell us!

Patience is a virtue John
HF

[Trillium]

Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road. They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that read:

'Da End is Near
Turn Yo Sef 'Roun Now
Afore It Be Too Late!'

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, 'You religious nuts!'

From the curve they heard screeching tires, and a big splash...

Boudreaux turns to Thib and asks 'Do ya tink maybe da sign should jussay.....'Bridge Out?'

[Springlands]

 

[Trillium]

Proofreading is a dying art. SOMETIMES YA' CAN'T FIX STUPID!


Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No c**p, really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------

Panda Mating Fails; VeterinarianTakes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------


Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------


War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------


Enfield (London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------


Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------


Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------


Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
******************************


Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************


And the winner is....


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
***************************************************

[hillfooter]

    Very good   

[mumofstig]

 

Sitting in the evening sun a husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine.
She says "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you".
Her husband laughs and asks " Is that you, or the wine talking?"

She replies "It's me, and I'm talking to the wine!"

[mumofstig]

Teacher: Donald how do you spell crocodile?
Donald: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
Teacher: No that's incorrect.
Donald: Maybe it is, but you asked me how I spell it!

[mumofstig]

Medical Definitions
Artery: The study of paintings in the Waiting Room
Bacteria: Back door of Hospital cafe
Barium: What doctors do when a patient dies
Benign: Pediatrics, what you be after you be eight.
Cat Scan: Checking out Kathy the A&E nurse
Cauterize: Make eye contact with any atractive female patient
Colic: The Consultant's sheep dog, last seen loose in the grounds.
Coma: Punctuation mark often followed by a Full Stop!

[davethespread]

my grandad was killed by eating a load of baby eels

elver way to go

[plum crumble]

 

[davethespread]

the level of pollution in the world today is becoming intolerable.

only the other day i opened a tin of sardines it was full of oil and the fish were all dead.

[aelf]

I couldn't afford the new Ipad so I bought something cheaper called the Ipatch - it's the pirate version

Aarrgh