[JayG]

Awww! Loverly....Can my terrier join in, please?

If the pics are anything to go by that rat could talk any traditional enemy into submission, so I'm sure that terriers would be more than welcome! 

[John]

Don't worry - our late and missed Claudipus actually ran out of the house in terror at a mouse one of the others brought in.

[JayG]

Don't worry - our late and missed Claudipus actually ran out of the house in terror at a mouse one of the others brought in.

No worries, not my cat (although it's clearly such a good natured puss I wouldn't mind if it was!) 

[dugless]

OK, not really a joke as such, but.................

Hello how are you today not very well a bit under the weather is that better.?
sorry to pinch your post














For sale - one bleedin' useless cat!  

[Paul Plots]

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal pat down.


I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.


Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park.

My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

 
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them . His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right.

The car park was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; ( I always call him "honey" in times like these.) "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.

"Are you kidding' me", he barked, "I dropped you off" !!!!!!!

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this police officer I didn't steal your car."



Yep it's the golden years...............

[grinling]

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1)You can't count your hair.
2)You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3)You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.
Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does
it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

[Chrysalis]

Sorry if this offends, but it made I larf.....


Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I've got Alzheimers
This little piggy went to market.... :blink:

[sarajane]

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1)You can't count your hair.
2)You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3)You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.
Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does
it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

andwhen did you take up mind reading   

[JayG]

Seems like not everyone loves their neighbour nor has the same taste in Christmas decorations! 

[Yorkie]

What a miserable so-and-so!

[Paul Plots]

What a miserable so-and-so!

Probably an environmentalist thinking of our global foot-print.

Now that is a joke! 

[dugless]

What a miserable so-and-so!

Probably an environmentalist thinking of our global foot-print.

Now that is a joke!  

saw a programme on chanel four last night  Around the world in 60 minuets

Now that did put things into prospective, got me uneasy about what we are doing to the planet sorry tried to put it as another post (failed Miserably)

[Paul Plots]

Read with caution.... it's worrying when you stop to think what we think children say. 

What Is Couple Sex?
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"

 
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she 's old enough to know to ask the question, then she 's old enough to get a straight answer.   Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.

 
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

 
Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"
 
The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.

[hamstergbert]

always thought 'sex' what what Kensington people have their coal delivered in....

[Glosterboy]

One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy shop, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist. "Could you taste this for me, please?"
 
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.
 
"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.
 
"No, not at all," says the chemist.
 
"That's a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."