[GTFC197]

How to wash a cat.

1, Put both lids of toilet up & add 1/8th cup of pet shampoo to water in bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him as you carry him into bathroom.

3, In 1 smooth movement put cat in toilet, & very quickly close both lids, you may find that
you have to stand on lid.

4, At this point the cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Ignore the sounds coming from within the bowl, it's only the cat enjoying himself

5, Now flush the toilet 3 times, this provides a power-wash & rinse.

6, Have someone open front door of your house & be sure that there is nobody between bathroom and frontdoor.

7, Stand as far behind the toilet as possible & lift the lid quickly.

8, The cat will rocket out of the toilet bowl, streak downstairs and outside where he will dry himself.

9, Both the toilet bowl & the cat will be sparkling clean.

Yours sincerely,

Butch, the dog.


 

[dugless]

These are classified ads which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

 

___________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
________________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club  registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound..
_______________________________________________________
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

________________________________________________________
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
_____________________________________________________________
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.                       
___________________________________________________________
And the WINNER is...

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

[GTFC197]

Talking about equality of sexes.


Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:
 
"Windows frozen."

Husband texts back

"Pour some luke warm water over it."
 
Wife texts back:

"Computer completely ruined now."

[mumofstig]

 

That's modern communication for you!

[Growster...]

Q. - What do you call a chicken in a white shell-suit?

A. - An egg...

[arugula]

Q. - What do you call a chicken in a white shell-suit?

A. - An egg...

 

 

 

[Trillium]

Interesting signs found at various locations:

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit, please back in."
**************************

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."
**************************

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -
miss a car payment."
**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************

At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry;
come on in and get fed up."
**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************

And don't forget the sign at a
CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
**************************

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

[Growster...]

Marvellous Trills!

Best laugh this morning so far!

;0)

[Growster...]

Trills and Arugula, this is still a favourite for PC buffs...

[arugula]

...this is still a favourite for PC buffs...

Would you believe, I've never seen that variation before.

[Growster...]

Here's another one, dreamt up by Daught...

[arugula]

Here's another one, dreamt up by Daught...

Just like some real Windows popups, sometimes the right answer just isn't an option! 

[Growster...]

Positively the last one Arugula...

[arugula]

Positively the last one Arugula...

Ah yes, I think many have been there!

[DD.]