[dugless]

During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:- "Your heart, lungs,

Pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you

Ladies into all kinds of trouble."



The lady starts taking off her knickers but is interrupted by the doctor…………

"No! No! Don't remove your underpants... Just stick out your tongue!" !!!!

[Sparkyrog]

 

[snowdrops]

During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:- "Your heart, lungs,

Pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you

Ladies into all kinds of trouble."



The lady starts taking off her knickers but is interrupted by the doctor…………

"No! No! Don't remove your underpants... Just stick out your tongue!" !!!!

You're back then



 

[Sparkyrog]

During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:- "Your heart, lungs,

Pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you

Ladies into all kinds of trouble."



The lady starts taking off her knickers but is interrupted by the doctor…………

"No! No! Don't remove your underpants... Just stick out your tongue!" !!!!

You're back then



 

I never really went away but I have reduced my time here considerably 

[snowdrops]

During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:- "Your heart, lungs,

Pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you

Ladies into all kinds of trouble."



The lady starts taking off her knickers but is interrupted by the doctor…………

"No! No! Don't remove your underpants... Just stick out your tongue!" !!!!

You're back then



 

I never really went away but I have reduced my time here considerably 

Not you Sparky  Dugless,he's been on hoilday

[Chrysalis]

Perhaps he should have another holiday if he's going to come back with jokes like that? 

[Growster...]

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
 
The lawyer is thinking that pensioners are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, he asks if the pensioner would like to play a fun game.
 
The pensioner is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
 
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only £5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £500.00," he says.
 
This catches the pensioner's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
 
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
 
The pensioner doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-pound note, and hands it to the lawyer.
 
Now, it's the pensioner's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
 
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.
 
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
 
He wakes the pensioner and hands him £500.00. The pensioner pockets the £500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
 
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the pensioner up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
 
The pensioner reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer £5.00, and goes back to sleep.

[Fairy Plotmother]

 

[dugless]

Perhaps he should have another holiday if he's going to come back with jokes like that? 

how about

 I bought my wife some vanishing cream

It din't work

[Chrysalis]

Perhaps he should have another holiday if he's going to come back with jokes like that? 

how about

 I bought my wife some vanishing cream

It din't work

Depends where you spread it?   Norty Dugless 

[Sparkyrog]

Apple will be releasing a gadget exclusively for women later in the year its called the iRON

[JayG]

Just to show that not all utterly inept drivers are female ( ) or drive cars.........

LINK

(Right from the start look at the scooter near the top middle of screen that starts by running into oncoming (slow) traffic - stick with it because it just gets better!)

[8doubles]

Just to show that not all utterly inept drivers are female ( ) or drive cars.........

LINK

(Right from the start look at the scooter near the top middle of screen that starts by running into oncoming (slow) traffic - stick with it because it just gets better!)

Think it`s probably best to leave him in there !

[Trillium]

CROW KILLS

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.
 
The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."
 
Amazing!
 
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?  No need to thank me!
 

[superpete]

heard this on the radio when Clement Freud recounted a game he played with his elder brother:

 we'd both go into a room with a bottle of scotch.... and when we'd finished the scotch, one of us went out the room and knocked on the door... and the other one would have to try and guess who it was.