The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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LilacSandy

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1845 on: November 06, 2011, 09:36 »
Just realised that I am sychic I am writing this at 9:36 and Dave will post a joke at 10:27

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1846 on: November 06, 2011, 17:50 »
Just realised that I am sychic I am writing this at 9:36 and Dave will post a joke at 10:27

That's the best neutrino joke yet Lilac!

;0)

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Trillium

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1847 on: November 07, 2011, 04:56 »
QUESTIONS YOU JUST CAN'T ANSWER










Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


Did you ever stop and wonder........

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on......

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

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joyfull

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1848 on: November 07, 2011, 08:32 »
 :lol: :lol: loved those Trillium, thanks  :D
Staffies are softer than you think.

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Trillium

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1849 on: November 07, 2011, 16:03 »

Places I've Been


I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not!

I have been in Deeps**t many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there.

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Chrysalis

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1850 on: November 07, 2011, 21:23 »

Places I've Been


I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not!

I have been in Deeps**t many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there.
Great!  Thanks ::)

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JayG

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1851 on: November 08, 2011, 12:05 »
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend, yet.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop at any time....

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £25!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Sow your seeds, plant your plants. What's the difference? A couple of weeks or more when answering possible queries!

One of the best things about being an orang-utan is the fact that you don't lose your good looks as you get older

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Plot 6B

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1852 on: November 09, 2011, 19:40 »
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend, yet.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop at any time....

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £25!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.


Groan, groan and groan!!!!!!!
They made me chuckle though :D :D
The fruits of success come from hard work!
A.K.A. Nige2plots

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JayG

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1853 on: November 09, 2011, 22:37 »
Ta Nige (jokes that are simple and silly work well for me these days!)  :wub:

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aelf

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1854 on: November 10, 2011, 09:28 »
I've been watching Frozen Planet on tv and am amazed at how different the Arctic is from the Antarctic. In fact, you could say they are poles apart  :D



I made that one up on the way in this morning  8)
There's more comfrey here than you can shake a stick at!

http://www.wedigforvictory.co.uk/dig_icon.gif[/img]

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snowdrops

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1855 on: November 11, 2011, 13:25 »
I've been watching Frozen Planet on tv and am amazed at how different the Arctic is from the Antarctic. In fact, you could say they are poles apart  :D



I made that one up on the way in this morning  8)
yeah we can tell :D
A woman's place is in her garden.

See my diary pages here
and add a comment here

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Plot 6B

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1856 on: November 11, 2011, 14:17 »
The most famous item of Engineering equipment is ..........................
...

Circlip Richard :unsure: :unsure:

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davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1857 on: November 12, 2011, 11:27 »
i was stopped by a policeman the other day.

he said "do you know how fast you were going?"

i said "i was only keeping up with traffic."

so he says "but there is no traffic."

so i said "see thats how far behind i am."
i dont suffer with insanity..........i enjoy every minute of it.

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davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1858 on: November 12, 2011, 11:30 »
i bought a new guard dog last week

its useless it lets anyone in

its a uk border collie

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LilacSandy

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1859 on: November 12, 2011, 17:33 »
The most famous item of Engineering equipment is ..........................
...

Circlip Richard :unsure: :unsure:

Groan  :dry: Nigel, however took me at least 30 secs before the penny dropped  ::) :lol:



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