[DD.]

Not a written joke, but funny.

Follow the link:

http://www.boreme.com/posting.php?id=27735&page=1

[mumofstig]

      

[mrs bouquet]

Watching it as you replied Mum.   That is very funny, thanks DD.  regards,  Mrs Bouquet

[dugless]

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife £775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honour,' the husband said. 'And every now and   then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself..'

[DD.]

Another funny link:

Silent Monks singing the Hallelujah Chorus

(be sure to click on Full Screen.)

http://voxvocispublicus.homestead.com/Index.html

[dugless]

----------------------------------------------------------
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse..




'Oops!'
 

[davethespread]

i walked into a car showroom today and said,

"my wife would like to talk to you about the vw golf you have in the window."

he said,"we dont have a vw golf in the window."

i said,"you do now."

[dugless]

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Leroy replied,


'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

[GTFC197]

Paddy is struggling down the road with a wardrobe, all sweaty and out of breath,

A friend shouted,

"Hey Paddy, why don't you get Mick to help you"?

"It's ok" replied Paddy, "Micks inside carrying the clothes"

[wayne170534]

tried using e-bay the other day to look for lighters........could only find 14,907matches

[Nige2Plots]

tried using e-bay the other day to look for lighters........could only find 14,907matches

Groan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Paul Plots]

tried using e-bay the other day to look for lighters........could only find 14,907matches

Bright spark   

[ex-cavator]

Old feller was riding his bike home when he spotted a field full of turnips. He fancied one for his dinner so he parked his bike on the verge and climbed through the hedge to get one.

As he got back to his bike, the local Bobby was waiting for him - he had been following behind and had seen what the old feller was up to. He promptly arrested the man, who duly went before the Beak.

"I sentence you to seven days for stealing a turnip", said the Beak.

The old feller was taken to a cell, where he found a young chap already in residence.

"What you in for, old man?" said the young chap.

"I got seven days for stealing a turnip" said the old feller. "What about you?"

"I'm doing ten years for rape" said the young chap.

The old feller thought about this for a few moments, and then replied, "Ten years for rape, 'blige me, you must've took twenty acres!" 

[Glosterboy]

Life in the  Australian Army...

Text of a letter from  a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those  of you not in the know, Eromanga is a  small    town, west  of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland ) 

Dear Mum & Dad,

I  am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big  brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better  than workin' on the station - tell them to get  in blxxdy quick smart before the jobs are all  gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at  first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed  until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all  ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and  shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No blxxdy  horses to get in, no calves to feed, no troughs  to clean - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though,  but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water  and even a light to see what ya doing! 

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs  but there's no kangaroo steaks or goanna stew  like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again  until noon and by that time all the city boys  are exhausted because we've been on a 'route  march' - geez its only just like walking to the  windmill in the bullock paddock!!

This  one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with  laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' -  dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a blxxdy  dingo's back-side and it don't move and it's not  firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our  big scrubber bull got into their prize cows  before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is  make yourself comfortable and hit the target -  it's a piece of cake!! You don't even load your  own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and  ya don't have to steady yourself against the  rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you  reload!

Sometimes ya  gotta  wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real  careful coz they break easy - it's not like  fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori  and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at  home after the muster.
Turns out I'm not a  bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best  the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by  this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot  5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the  shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and  eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till  the other blokes carried me off to the boozer. 

I can't complain about the Army - tell  the boys to get in quick before word gets around  how blxxdy good it is.

Your loving  daughter,

Susan

[John]

I really needed a laugh today and that was brilliant - the last bit was the killer!