[Jamie Butterworth]

Just got home from shopping and found all the doors and windows open and everything gone






What kind of sad person would do that to my advent calender?

Brilliant

[Ice]

'Scuse me, have a look at my signature.

[Jamie Butterworth]

Oops

[Ice]

 

[GTFC197]

sorry Ice, didn't see that, my mate sent me it by text

[John]

SCOUSERS JOIN FERRARI


The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.

This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's
'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.

The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed
youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without
proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions
of pounds worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races
are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not
only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12
seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the McLaren team for 8 cases
of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower.

[Jamie Butterworth]

SCOUSERS JOIN FERRARI


The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.

This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's
'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.

The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed
youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without
proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions
of pounds worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races
are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not
only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12
seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the McLaren team for 8 cases
of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower.

Brilliant 

[aelf]

SCOUSERS JOIN FERRARI

None taken John! 



What do you get if you cross a motorway with a wheelbarrow?













You get run over 

[Jamie Butterworth]

Brillaint

[JayG]

My new iron gate makes howling and moaning noises; thought it was caused by the wind but it turns out it's just over-wrought!

[John]

On the radio yesterday:

Posh important lady to old man "Don't you know who I am???"

Old chap "Sorry no I don't, but if you ask Matron she'll tell you who you are"

Tickled me anyway

[PennyS]

Keep 'em coming! 

[davethespread]

police: student protesters have failed to sticke to the agreed route

to be fair so have the lib dems


                                *                             *                                 *
i once had a racing snail that never won any races,so i removed his shell to make him more aerodynamic.
it just made him more sluggish.

[Glosterboy]

A scouser is on holiday in Arizona USA. He's staying in a remote
frontier type town and walks into a bar

He orders his drink and sits down at the bar when he notices a native
American Indian, dressed in full regalia, feathered head dress,
tomahawk, spear, the lot, sitting in the corner under a sign saying
Ask me anything'

The scouser is intrigued and asks the barman about him.

'Oh, we call him the memory man, He knows everything.' says the barman.

'What do you mean he knows everything?' asks the scouser.

'Well, he knows every fact there is to know and he never, ever forgets
anything'

'Yeah right' says the scouser.

'If you don't believe me, try him out. Ask him anything, and he'll know
the answer'

'Alright' says the Scouser and walks up to the Memory Man.

'Where am I from

'Knotty Ash, Liverpool , England ' says the Red Indian. And he was
right.

'Alright' says the scouser, 'that was easy you probably recognised my
accent. Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?'

Liverpool ' says the memory man quick as a flash.

'Yes and who did they play?'

'Leeds United' again without blinking

'And the score?'

'2-1' says the memory man without hesitation.

'Pretty good,but I bet you don't know who scored the winning goal?'

'Ian St John' says the Indian in an instant.

Flabbergasted the tourist continues on his holiday and on his return to
Birkenhead tells all and sundry about the amazing Memory Man. He just
can't get him out of his mind and so he vows to return and find him
again and pay him his due respect .

He saves his dole money for years and finally twelve years later he has
saved enough and returns to the states in search of the memory
man.

He searches high and low for him. And after two weeks of trying
virtually every bar and town in Arizona he finds him sitting in a cave
in the mountains, older, greyer and more wrinkled than before but still
resplendent in his warpaint and full regalia.

The scouser, duly humbled approaches him and decides to greet him in
the traditional manner..

'How'.

The memory man squints at the scouser.

'Flying header in the six yard box.'

[Springlands]

A  young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The
parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse  vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious
and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to
change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could
think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the
parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation,
threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the
freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked
and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard
for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened
the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out
onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I
may have offended you with my rude language and
actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do
everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a
dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very
softly, "May I ask what the turkey did".

MERRY Christmas