[Bizzi Lizzi]

Yes, Learner, got them all wrong.  What does that say about me?!!!

[Jamie Butterworth]

I got them all wrong too

[mumofstig]

I got half right half wrong..............is that worse   

[arugula]

Yes, Learner, got them all wrong.  What does that say about me?!!!

Same here!

[GTFC197]

Paddy and Murphy on a building site, Paddy says,

" I want the day off sick, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad".

He climbs up to the rafters and hangs upside down and shouts,

"I'm a lightbulb, I'm a lightbulb!"

The foreman shouts,

"You're mad, go home",

so he leaves the site.

Murphy packs up his tools aswell and starts to walk off site,


"Where do you think you are going?" asks the foreman,

"I'm going home, you don't expect me to work in the dark do you?".

[GTFC197]

Took a girl home last night after going clubbing, we had a few drinks at mine and went upstairs.

While we were taking our clothes off a voice came from the bed,

" I hope that's not the ugly one from last week".

The girl said what on earth was that?"


"It's ok" I reassured her,

"It's one of those stupid memory foam matresses".

[GTFC197]

The man at the bar looked into his pint and sighed heavily.


"What's up Dave?", asked the landlord,

"It's not like you to be so down in the mouth".


"It's my 4yr old son, he has got the nextdoor neighbour pregnant" sighed Dave.


"That's impossible", said the landlord,

"No it's not", said Dave,


"The little horror stuck a pin in all my condoms".

[GTFC197]

Little Billy and Johnny were playing in the street when Billy jumped up onto a box and started going,

"brrrmm, brrrmm, brrrmm".

"What are you doing?, asks Johnny.

"I'm being a long distance truck driver", replied Billy.

with that, little Johnny started doing pressups,

"What on earth are you doing, Johnny?", asked Billy.


"I'm making love to your wife while you are away". repiled Johnny.

[GTFC197]

A guy was driving down the motorway with his pretty young girlfriend when she said,

"I think the family in the car next to us are from Wales"

"Why do you think that?" her boyfriend asks,

"Well the kids have written on the window and it says",

"stit ruoy su wohs".

[GTFC197]

A woman goes to the doctors with a black eye, she says,

"It's my husband, evertime he's drunk he beats me"

Doctor says,

"the only cure is to hum, when he comes in ranting and raging just hum away to yourself"


The woman went back 2 weeks later and says,

"Doctor, that was a great idea, he hasn't hit me once".

Doctor replied,


"I knew if you stopped nagging he would stop hitting you".

[GTFC197]

Paddy was up in front of the judge for hitting his wife again,

The judge says,

"Paddy, why do you keep beating your wife?"

Padyy replies,


"I think it's because of my longer reach, nifty footwork and weight advantage, your honour".

[GTFC197]

An old couple sat in church, the old man nudges his wife and says,

"I've just let out a silent f**t, what should I do?"


his wife writes on a bit of paper,

"Get some new batteries for your hearing aid".

[Aunt Sally]

Please keep these jokes more family friendly some of them are going way too far.

Thanks

[GTFC197]

Aunt Sally,
do you mean mine, if so, which ones? there is no swearing or anything like that, there are worse further back along the posts.

I am only trying to cheer people up that is why I adapt the wording from what it originally is, so as not to offend.

[Aunt Sally]

Sexual inuendo is not for young eyes   

If there are worse further back it's because I've not read them 

Clean and clever jokes please.