[Trillium]

A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner said, "No."

The attorney then asked, "Did you listen for a heart beat?", and again the coroner said, "No."

Then the attorney asked, "Did you check for breathing?", and again the coroner said, "No."

"So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"

The coroner, now tired of the brow beating said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."

[Paul Plots]

No, silly, the jokes already been posted.   I've enough problems with suing myself for the Irish joke I posted.

My sincere apologies... no offence was intended - it was a "joke" received from a friend and I should have known better especially as I emailed back to question whether or not it might offend others... but (take out the specific cultural references) I think it was funny... replace Irish with "a pair of lads from Lagness"...  :blink:

[Aunt Sally]

Ahh, niver wory, t'is ok so 

[Paul Plots]

Ahh, niver wory, t'is ok so 

Fanks verwy much miss - sorry.. 

[Jamie Butterworth]

My grandma told me this one the other day:

When she was younger her and her mates would have been able to go down to the local shop with only a shilling and get 5 bags of crisps, dozens of sweets, lots of pop and basiclay lots of sugar. However you cant do that know adays, stupid CCTV cameras 

[Ice]

Nice one Jamie.

[Paul Plots]

My grandma told me this one the other day:

When she was younger her and her mates would have been able to go down to the local shop with only a shilling and get 5 bags of crisps, dozens of sweets, lots of pop and basiclay lots of sugar. However you cant do that know adays, stupid CCTV cameras 

You'd end up with an Antisocial Behaviour Contract, a personal Caseworker and trips to the local McPlace for burgers and outings galore 

It is so fair on those kids who behave well - not 

[davethespread]

when i die i want to go off peacefully in my sleep like my grandad did.......not sreaming like his passengers

[Jamie Butterworth]

when i die i want to go off peacefully in my sleep like my grandad did.......not sreaming like his passengers

 

[pumpkinpatch]

Just a cheesy joke that my mate told me
What do you call a Spanish man thats lost his car ...

Carloss 

[davethespread]

what do you call a spanish doctor?.....manuel

[davethespread]

i have just been out and painted a blue square in my garden,to trick people who are veiwing google earth that i have a swimming pool

[horsepooisgood]

when i die i want to go off peacefully in my sleep like my grandad did.......not sreaming like his passengers

Dave, have you been reading the little print at the bottom of my posts.

[davethespread]

no i was on a website and see it,very sorry

[horsepooisgood]

No!! you don't look sorry enough to me, I want to see more!! lol