[rogerbodger]

I got my lip balm and superglue mixed up .... don't ask me how it happened, my lips are sealed

[Blackpool rocket]

Stockings like sprout bags 

Time flies like an arrow...


Fruit flies like a banana...

 

Br

[Tenhens]

This was in one of our Christmas Crackers

What cheese is made backwards?

[Chrysalis]

Edam!  Groan!!....

[Tenhens]

Yes, indeed!!   It was a Christmas Cracker joke/riddle.

[Olorin2001]

"Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day."

[MalcW]

"Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day."

So true. our personal 'cloud' went home this morning after being here for Christmas.

[Tenhens]

"Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day."

So true. our personal 'cloud' went home this morning after being here for Christmas.

I rather like that, thanks for posting.

Not sure who said it , Dennis Thatcher once used ' Better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt'

Another 'pearl of wisdom'   I heard a few years ago was  '' to tell a person to go away but do it in such a way as to make them look forward to the journey''

[Growster...]

Like those Tenhens!

Another old army favourite about a young officer is: -

"His men will follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity"!

[hamstergbert]

and of course another classic:

Seen on a gravestone:  'Here lies an Officer and a Gentleman'
"Wonder why they buried the two of them together...?"

[RubyR3d]

Another on a gravestone, obviously a bloke of dubious character." Underneath this sod lies a bigger one . " I always wondered what the relation was between the two lol

[rogerbodger]

I was given an invisibility cloak for Christmas, but I'm going to return it - I can't see myself wearing it.

[rogerbodger]

News from the stock market...

Helium was up, but feathers were down. Paper was stationary, but pencils lost a few points. Lifts rose but escalators continued their slow decline. Switches were off and mining equipment hit rock bottom. The raisin market has dried up. Pampers remained unchanged while Sun peaked at mid-day. Andrex tissues touched a new bottom.

[New shoot]

 

No doubt hiking gear was trailing 

[Snoop]