[rogerbodger]

My Halloween themed sofa accessories didn't go down well ..... there were grim reaper cushions

[John]

reaper cushions

I must be slow today - took 5 minutes to get it 

GROAN!

[Blackpool rocket]

A man who took an airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

Br

[Stree]

Little girl complained: "People say to me " Live your dream" but I don`t want to wake up naked sitting an exam I haven`t revised for"

[hamstergbert]

A man who took an airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
Br

He tried to claim for the value of the two prosthetic lower limbs he said were in the lost case, but the court ruled that he didn't have a leg to stand on....


....and he insisted that the jacket around his shoulders was his property too in spite of being four sizes too large and still having the M&S sales tags attached but the judge reckoned he was just trying it on......

....and he was adamant that it was the Cello he played in the string quartet even though he had a violin case with his name on.  The jury decided he was on the fiddle....

.....and his work records showed that he had been previously employed by a shepherd to drag sheep out of swamps and hedges.  Figured he was a crook....

....and he was the second member of his family to work as an Irish fire iron.  Yep, he was obviously a repeat O'Fender......

....and although he was coated in tinsel and contained a paper hat, a motto and a naff plastic toy, there was nothing to go bang when pulled.  The Police identified him as a safe cracker.....

....and was seen stealing a thousand 'Far Side' books and was duly accused of Grand Gary Larseny......

....while down at Lords a man who bought stolen balls that had been used to hit fours and sixes was described as being a boundary fence.....

....and the chap who kept the books for a firm making padded bras was accused of falsie accounting....




sorry, can't think of any more at the moment

[Yorkie]

  excellent !

[Snoop]

excellent !

Seconded!

[Tenhens]

Very good,  Hamstergbert.

A battery and firework were up before the judge for their mistermeaners,  After due deliberation of the evidence , one got charged and the other got let off.

[hamstergbert]

presumably the battery was then locked up in a dry cell (although he insisted it wasn't his volt and they should let him go ohm, he put up no resistance....)


(...and he earlier jumped off a Wheatstone Bridge into the River Thames and..... oops, wrong thread...)

[Tenhens]

And the firework was told that if he was a good boy, then the sky was the limit!!

[hamstergbert]

...and perhaps he'd become a star!

[rogerbodger]

presumably the battery was then locked up in a dry cell (although he insisted it wasn't his volt and they should let him go ohm, he put up no resistance....)

Shocking!

[JayG]

Currently am pairly able to resist making a live comment on this topic, but will try to remain neutral.

[Blackpool rocket]

If only to put an end to the terrible puns..........

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery.

He insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

“Yes, Dad, what is it?” asked the son.

“Don’t be nervous, son, do your best.

Just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me,

your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”

Br

[Blackpool rocket]

Have another one just to make sure;

A penguin walks into a shop and asks the assistant: 'Do you have any grapes?'
'No,' he replies.
The same thing happens the next day and on the third day the assistant replies:
'No, and if you come in asking for grapes again I will nail your flippers to the floor!'
The next day the penguin walks in and asks: 'Got any nails?'
 
'No!' replies the assistant.

The penguin says 'Got any grapes?'


www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q

Go on, click it, you know you want to.....

Br