[Chrysalis]

Thank you all for cheering me up after a rough day.  I laughed out loud!

 

Especially loved the Hill billies.....

[snowdrops]

On facebook

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't never seed nobody do it!'

That is so funny, good job I wasn't eating at the time I'd have needed assistance😀

[Snoop]

Thanks grinling and rogerbodger. Gave me a good chortle to start the day. Have forwarded your joke to Mr Snoop, grinling. Having done a first aid course with the Red Cross, I reckon it's right up his street.

[Blackpool rocket]

An Englishman walks into a bar.


There's normally an Irishman, Scotsman & Welshman too, but they're all still at the Rugby World Cup.


                                             

Br

[cadalot]

Seen on a Loo wall

[oakridge]

A young girl came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what?  We learned
how to make babies today.”  The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool, “That’s
interesting,” she said, “how do you make babies?”  “It’s simple,” replied the girl, “”You just change the ‘y’ to ‘i’
and add ‘es’.”

Malcolm

[Welsh Merf]

This is absolutely true!

A very good friend of ours is the chief barmaid at my local pub. She's worked there for at least ten years, and is excellent at her job. However, although she is a brunette, she should be blonde:

It was a quiet afternoon at the pub, and an Indian guy walked in asking if they served coffees. She said they did, and he then said there were sixteen of them. She said no problem and welcomed them into the pub. All went splendidly well and eventually the initial man came to pay the bill. The following conversation ensued:

Barmaid: Was everything alright for you?

Indian: yes thank you very much.

Barmaid: Are you down on holiday?

Indian: No; we're only down for the night. We're going to Rye for a friend's party.

Barmaid: Good God! It's a long way to come from India just for one night!

Indian: we came down from London. We've lived there for the last four years.

Barmaid: Err . . . . . . ok then (bluuuuuuuush)

[rogerbodger]

My pet mouse Elvis died last night, he was caught in a trap


A woman has been arrested by police for stealing a sign reading "& Emergency", when questioned she said she found it by Accident


What's about a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe

[John]

What's about a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe

Can't wait for my grandson to be old enough to appreciate that one

[JayG]

Thought I'd share this item from bbc.co.uk/news this morning:

A woman in the US state of Indiana is recovering after being shot by her dog in a bizarre hunting accident, an environment official says.

The woman, named as Allie Carter, 25, was hunting waterfowl on Saturday in the north of the state, Jonathon Boyd, an Indiana conservation officer said.

She put down her 12-gauge shotgun but her chocolate Labrador stepped on it, shooting her in the foot.

To add insult to injury, the dog was named Trigger.

Mr Boyd said she suffered injuries to her left foot and toes and has since been released from hospital.

Ms Carter had not completed a hunter education course and urged all prospective hunters to do so.

Not sure which is funnier, the dog's name or the idea of going on a training course to help you avoid mishaps like shooting yourself in the foot! 

[New shoot]

Trigger     

That got me spluttering my coffee over my tablet 

[oakridge]

So now the NRA will say that it is not guns that kill people it is people and - er - dogs.

[cadalot]

If it had been a Retriever it would have also found and recovered the toes so they could be re attached 

[8doubles]

If it had been a Retriever it would have also found and recovered the toes so they could be re attached 

It may have been a dippy chocolate one but it was a labrador !











(probably et ' em)

[John]

If it had been a Retriever it would have also found and recovered the toes so they could be re attached 

If it had been a cat it would have eaten them!