[devonbarmygardener]

That's a good'un slingshot2000!!!

[rogerbodger]

2 sheep in a field .....

First sheep : Baa!

Second sheep :  Moo!

First sheep : Moo? What's that all about?

Second sheep : I'm learning a second language.

[wighty]

So simple but so funny.

[Dave NE]

A recent survey has said that the average bathroom bar of soap has 3 different pubic hairs on it, that must be scary if you live on your own.

[dugless]

Angus Broon of Glasgow, Scotland, comes to the little lady of the house

>> exclaiming, "Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come

>> off of me fly? I can't button me pants."

>>  "Oh Angus, I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and

>> see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."

>> About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of

>> yelling and the sound of a body falling down the stairs.

>>  Walking back in the door with a blackened eye and a blooming nose

>> comes Angus. The little lady looks at him and says, "My god, what

>> happened to ya? Did you ask her like I told you?"

>> Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button, an she

>> did, everything was goin' fine but when she bent doon to bite off

>> the wee thread, Mr MacDonald walked in."

>>

>>

>>

>>

>>

>>

>




               
 

[devonbarmygardener]

 

[dugless]

Doctor:
 Madam, your husband needs a rest and peace, so here are some
sleeping pills.
Wife
 Doc, when should I give them to him?

 Doctor: They are for you !

[hamstergbert]

Overheard in The Farmers Arms:

Farmer Giles:  "Mi bull were  ailin' t'other week - weren't able to 'do 'is duty', so to speak.  Vet give him some purple pills and afore you know it he were back to normal - better than normal if owt.  Twenty cows in one day and still rarin' fer more. Them pills really put lead in 'is pencil, no kidding."

Farmer Bloggs: "Oh, aye?  Purple pills, eh.  What was in 'em?"

Farmer Giles;  "Dunno.  But they taste of peppermint..."

[Growster...]

A transvestite walked into a bar.

He had a Wigan address...

[devonbarmygardener]

A transvestite walked into a bar.

He had a Wigan address...

BOOM BOOM!! 

[dugless]

 An Airline introduced a special package for Business men.

 Buy your ticket, get your wife's ticket free.

 After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how
was the trip.

All of them gave the same reply..."What trip?"

[Beetroot Queen]

Heres a joke. Just been shoe shopping

harry's shoes £40 

Oh no thats not a joke that was the price.

i dont pay that for my shoes. 

[hamstergbert]

"How much are your forty quid shoes?"
"Twenty quid each."
"OK, I'll take a couple."

[Beetroot Queen]

"How much are your forty quid shoes?"
"Twenty quid each."
"OK, I'll take a couple."

That made me laugh, well done x

[hamstergbert]

As the lady-stirring tale of Cornish shirtless scything and cliff edge galloping nears its end, the TV people are casting around for suitable replacements to grace the Sunday evening schedules:

Pol-ark  : a stirring tale of a Cornish hero who builds a boat (with his shirt off) to save all the creatures of the peninsula from a flood in his copper mine.

Pol-bark : story of a Cornish dog-trainer who takes his shirt off a lot while training canines.

Pol-hark : the drama of a strapping shirtless Cornish hearing aid fitter.

Pol-lark : the heart warming story of a Cornish singer who doesn't have a shirt.

Pol-mark : Cornish teachers who remove their shirts to put crosses and ticks on their swooning girl pupils' essays.

Pol-nark : police drama about a Cornish police informer who grasses up the villains without wearing his shirt.

Pol-park : In  the wilds of Cornwall, a rugged hero takes of his shirt as he assists helpless female drivers to get their vehicles correctly  lined up by the kerbs.

Pol-quark : the ups and downs of a strangely charming Cornish physicist who takes his shirt off to discuss sub-atomic particles.

Pol-sark : saga of a Cornish tin mine owner who takes his shirt off while on holiday on one of the smaller Channel Islands.

Pol-spark : fly on the wall documentary about a Cornish electrician who takes his shirt off a lot while installing a new junction box and load centres.

Pol-tarka : charming wildlife feature about a shirtless Cornish hero with a tame otter.

Pill-dark : story of a Cornish medicine manufacturer but you can't see if he gets his shirt off because the lighting was done by the same lot that did Jamaica Inn.

Pull-dark : excitement in a Cornish dental surgery as the lighting fails just as the dentist is about to take his shirt off.

Dolldark : Cornish melodrama in which a comely wench keeps her kit on but just undoes a single button causing fellers to smile and thus be justly accused of being dirty old men because that is somehow quite different from ladies screaming "phwoar" at that Irish lad…..




I'll get me coat.