[Goosegirl]

... or find the missing sock...! 

[mumofstig]

this
made me laugh .... perhaps I'll buy one 

[dugless]

this
made me laugh .... perhaps I'll buy one 

you would either have to have won the lottery or had a senior moment of madness.

[Chrysalis]

 

That's one expensive butt (excuse my French!)!!

[8doubles]

That translates as ' not in stock at the mo but do not want to lose listing by removing from for sale ' .

[cadalot]

Got this via email today
Not PC but funny none the less

[dugless]

Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs. Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth.
Police say the dangerous practice is called "e by gum"
..........................................................................
A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."
..........................................................................
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a  gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft *!"
..........................................................................
The last is always best
Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell bum cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"
..........................................................................




 



 



 
 

[Snoop]

Thank you Dugless. Those jokes have absolutely made my day.

[snowdrops]

  new ones to me & I'm from Yorkshire,I take it you're not Dugless

[Paul Plots]

new ones to me & I'm from Yorkshire,I take it you're not Dugless

I received an email with the same jokes.... via Sydney (Australia!)

[dugless]

new ones to me & I'm from Yorkshire,I take it you're not Dugless

I received an email with the same jokes.... via Sydney (Australia!)

They do get around don't they

[rogerbodger]

Auld fella walking alongside canal and sees a nine-year old lad fair crying his eyes out.

"Wot's tha cryin' fer, young un?"
Through sniffles and bawling, little lad manages to say "A've loss me mate. Me mate fell in t'canal" and point about tree feet in front of him.
"By 'eck" says fella and without further ado, strips off his jacket and shoes then jumps into the canal. After few minutes he splashed to side and says, "'Ow old was tha mate?"
By this time, lad had stopped howling and watched the auld fella fair dumbstruck. "Wot's that mean, 'ow old?"
"Thy mate" said fella, "'ow old were 'e? Wor 'e a big lad?"
Little lad scowled at the old man, "Nah! Tha daft bat. Not me mate - me mate outa me saniches".


They've found a new way of taking Ecstasy in the clubs around Yorkshire.

Apparently you inject it into your mouth!

It's called "E by gum"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I don't know why everyone is suddenly talking about Twerking. My mate from Yorkshire has been doing it for years.

As he says, it's how he gets t'money t'pay t'bills


A comedy club in North Yorkshire burned down last night.

There's no smirk without fire.


My favourite phrase from Yorkshire would have to be 'Tin tin tin',

Which of course is literally translated as; 'It isn't in the tin'.

[cadalot]

 A farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all of his  cows frozen solid. As far as the eye can see are cows, motionless like statues. It had been a bitterly cold night, but he'd never thought anything like this would happen.

The realisation of the situation then dawned on him. With his entire livestock gone, how would he make ends meet? How would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage? He sat with his head in his hands, trying to come to terms with his impending poverty.

Just then, an elderly woman walked by, "What's the matter?" asked the old lady. The farmer gestured toward the frozen cows and explained his predicament to the woman. Without hesitation the old woman smiled and began to rub one of the cow’s noses. After a few seconds the cow began to twitch and was soon back to normal and chewing the cud. One by one, the old woman defrosted the cows until the whole field was full of healthy animals.

The farmer was delighted and asked the woman what she wanted as a repayment for her deed. She declined his offer and walked off across the field. A passer-by who had witnessed the whole thing approached the farmer. "You know who that was don't you?" asked the passer-by. "No" said the farmer "who?"

Wait for it,……….."That was Thora Hird."

[danny1936]

A love story!
 
This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge in saskatoon the judge asked her, 'what did you steal?'
She replied, 'a can of peaches.'
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches.
And she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied, '6.'
The judge said, 'then i will give you 6 days in jail.'
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, 'what is it?'
The husband said, 'she stole a can of peas, too.'

[Val H]

Skelmanthorpe - A true story. Many centuries ago (circa 1975) I hitched a lift to Huddersfield. Got on a bus for Skelmanthorpe and asked to be dropped at the Three Horse Shoes. Driver was confused to say the least and eventually came up with you mean the Three Hoss shoes Shat.