[allot2learn]

Wifey phoned her mother at t time. Her mother is 92 and has alzheimer's.

Hi Mum, what you been doing.
MIL:, Been watching that boatrace on telly.
Wifey: Who won?
MIL: England.

[arugula]

Is that funny? 

No its probably my fault!

[John]

Designing Mobile Phone Apps for Cats

A usability study - little technical but look at the date

http://www.nngroup.com/articles/mobile-usability-cats/

[fred-quimby]

Ryanair's Micheal O'Leary arrives in a hotel in Dublin, he goes to the bar and asks for a pint of draught Guinness. The barman nodded and said, "That will be one Euro please, Mr. O'Leary."
Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.
"Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8. We have the cheapest beer in Ireland"
"That is remarkable value" Michael comments
"I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours.
That will be 3 euro please.
O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat.
"Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra 2 euro. - You could have pre-book the seat, and it would have only cost you a Euro."
"I think you may to be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please"
Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame".
"I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of €4.00 for your seat sir"
O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another 3 euro."
O'Leary was so annoyed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager".
"Ah, I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be 2 euro please." O'Leary's face was red with rage.
"Do you know who I am?"
"Of course I do Mr. O'Leary,"
"I've had enough, What sort of Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!"
"Here is his E mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9 and 9.10 every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only 10 cent per second"
"I will never use this bar again
"OK sir, but remember, we are the only hotel in Ireland selling pints for one Euro"

[Raven81]

A joke I have liked since I was about 8 years old that I thought I'd share as it still makes me giggle:

Q: What is the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?

A: A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla!

[slingshot2000]

A joke I have liked since I was about 8 years old that I thought I'd share as it still makes me giggle:

Q: What is the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?

A: A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla!

And I grew up thinking the answer was;


A: You cannot make toast under a rabbit !

[Growster...]

A joke I have liked since I was about 8 years old that I thought I'd share as it still makes me giggle:

Q: What is the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?

A: A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla!

And I grew up thinking the answer was;


A: You cannot make toast under a rabbit !

Absolutely, and if you cross a gorilla with a parrot, you get a load of gibberish, but you damn well have to stay and listen...

[Growster...]

So a young man marries into a rich family with it's own business.

The father tells the new son-in-law that he has now been made a director in the family firm, and he can start at the bottom, learning the work on the floor.

The new lad says he won't ever work in a factory because of the noise.

The father says that he could work in the office.

The lad says that he can't work a computer.

The father says he can go out and sell the products.

The lad says he can't drive.

Sooooo, the father in desperation says 'Well what the hell do you want then...'?

The lad says 'Well, you could buy me out"!

[pol_bishop25]

A gardening joke, hope you like it:

--
I heard about people talking to their plants so I went out and bought one.
I haven't watered it for a week now.
Oh it'll talk. Eventually.

[ianl]

Ian and Sue are trying to sleep through an horendous storm. Lightning strikes, rain swept hard into the window etc. Suddenly there are a couple of load knocks downstairs. Sue says that it is the door but Ian insists it is the wind. It happens again and reluctantly, Ian goes down to the door and opens it. Ian opens it and is is surprised to see a man soaked to the skin standing there. " Sorry to bother you at this time of night but I need a push " says the soaked man. " Go away. I'm not going out to help you. It is too wet." Ian replied, shut the door and went back to bed. After telling Sue, she reminded him of the time they were stuck in mud in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere and they managed to find a farm whose farmer took them in for the night and helped free the car in the morning. " ok" Ian said, " I will go and call out to the man, he cant have gone far and give him a push". He went downstairs, opened the door and shouted " Where are you I will give you a push" " Over here on the swings"

[Growster...]

Just a reminder to those who stole electrical goods in last year's riots - your one year manufacturer's warranty runs out soon...

[Paul Plots]

Just a reminder to those who stole electrical goods in last year's riots - your one year manufacturer's warranty runs out soon...

Not if the posher up-market goods were chosen - they often come with a five year warranty. 

[dugless]

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!'

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"



The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth  Love, and show him . . .”
 

[Welsh Merf]

A man goes for a job interview. The interviewer asks him: "So, what would you say is your biggest fault?"

The man replies: "I think I'm too honest."

Intervewer: "Well, I don't think honesty is a fault!"

Man: "I don't care what you think, you arrogant, self-opinionated man!"

[Chrysalis]